A Woman with No Friends: Brené Brown on Vulnerability and Connection

Stabbed in the back, belittled, talked down to...every single time. No fucking thanks.

I thought I was lonely till I met my best friend..Me. friendless for over 30 years. I'm ok. I'm very ok. Love living life on my own terms. Isolophilia means strong affection for solitude. The word isolophilia is made of two separate terms: isolo (isolation, solitude) and philia (love, inclination). Those who have isolophilia tend to be introspective and introverted, and like to be alone in general.

Dear Brene,
As the woman with no friends, I'd like to offer another angle. While you hit many significant points, specially the one about vulnerability, that one is a four letter word for me ....sort of speak, at 57 I find myself with zero friends, and distanced from every family member. After a lifetime of being a social butterfly, truly enjoying people and as a social human animal recognizing my need for them, I also realized that what a lot of people call friends are just acquaintances, that perhaps I need to redefine my definition of what a friend is....I expect too much, because I give too much, and real friendships can take years to form. I also realized that my loneliness has nothing to do with the presence or absence of people. I do benefit from support group therapy but I don't think of them as friends. In addition, after a lifetime of hearing from family members, so called friends and lovers " you're too much" I got tired of whoring myself for acceptance and having to dial down my toomuchness. I realized, they were talking about their boundaries of what they could take, and not a criticism of a part of my personality. I am too much, and intense, and feel! A lot! And that's not for everybody. Sure I long for the person or people who can hold the space for my toomuchness, I just gave up the willingness to constantly having to dial myself down for friendship and acceptance so that you can feel comfortable. I know I'm not unique....maybe someday I'll find my tribe....maybe not. Until then, inner journey, to thine own self be true and all that jazz....and when the tears come....I let them roll....but whore no more. Thank you for letting share.

I find people turn on me when I'm vulnerable about things

That's me. So me. I feel trapped. Nothing is ever good enough.

Reaching out
Yeah but who to? That's the point

I am so much happier without friends. I have 3 true friends but I let the rest go and have animals 💙

Making friends is a state of mind. We are what we think. Think good thoughts on purpose. The energy you put out is what you attract. Shame is a low vibration. Raise your vibration. It’s possible. This video is depressing and low vibrational. The trap is in your own mind. Stop your story. Do things bigger than yourself. Get out of your head. Read power v force by David Hawkins or any book by thich nat Han or the power of now and stop your thoughts. ❤❤

Man this hits home!! I experienced this as a child, then again when i joined a spiritual group in which, i eventually saw more clearly, i was the focus of gossip especially because of my family’s success, and the assumption that i could hve anything i wanted, i’d grown up with privilege. Truth was i grew up in a family of very toxic people while my dad was building his company. I could rarely ask for anything, and the very idea frightened me. I was also introduced to the practice in another country where I worked for 1 summer, helping out in the home of 1 of my dad’s business associates, who had had a stroke. I’d met her while hitchhiking around Europe after my mom & i treated her parents to a trip to Ireland for their 50th anniversary. They had never been out of the PA/NJ area, let alone the US, and her mom had to start working & never got past a 7th grade education. I’d been told if i bought my own plane ticket, she would pay for everything else. I stayed after they went back & hitched around until my passport was stolen, staying in youth hostels. I visited that couple, the only contact info my dad sent that wasnt wrong, and they adored me & the next year, she had a stroke. I learned from a fellow home aid, not from the US, about Buddhism. I took the job b/c i would do anything to stay away from the scary home of my parents. Jealousy in the Buddhist org began & continued from the start, and included physical & emotional abuse & manipulation. It took 40 years to leave. I’d begun to actually learn i was ok, it really WAS them, not me… & my lifelong mission to be “better” was more successful once i left that toxic national group, just as i was more myself & able to grow when away from my birth family. And Brene Brown was part of this growth❤

About me.

As a woman with no friends I find this blaming me for not doing enough. This is a beautiful pipe dream of what we wish could happen. I have enjoyed many of your talks but this one misses the mark. I have done all those things but noone wants to stay connected to me. I am a woman with adhd and level 1 autism. I have empathy and have since childhood. I am always on the outside looking in. I am vulnerable, kind, I listen, I help etc so why do I still not have friends or much family? You are saying a woman with no friends doesn't do enough, and i have to make more effort. I am now 56 and always make the effort. I am enough! Others need to be more accepting and understanding. I open up and share but it is not a safe space. STOP with this nonsense. This talk is what we wish would happen and is just feeding a pipe dream.

This is the second time this week that I am glad I have autism. Yep I'm 57. I have a few friends but I don't connect with them. I'm not lonely. I don't care if anyone sees me. I am not shamed for not wanting to deal with other people's drama. If I wanted connection I call or text a say hello. And trust me, that's enough interaction for me.

Wow Brené, you got this generalization so wrong. I am that woman with no friends. I am not craving connection, not ashamed, very empathetic, and value deep connections, not this superficiality that is called friendship. I am ok, I am truly fine. I am woman.

As a woman with no friends or family connections...consider my perspective. I love humanity but do not care to have a big circle connection as I have learned that true happiness comes from within me and I do not need external validation to know my self worth. I do not need association to distract me and make me "feel good" again.... instead, I prefer to take deep dives and investigate my thoughts and emotions and transmute them. I enjoy my quiet walks in nature observing the world around me as small talk and mundane dramas drain me. I love to create beautiful works of art, I love to smile and laugh and feel the sun on my face and I do not mind sharing my sense of well being with others or having an occasional night out...but I always stay true to my nature which is preferring my own company. It would be unfortunate to think that we all came here to walk the same path...so honor yourself whether you are a loner or whether you came to experience big circles of friends ...endeavor to know yourself.

Lose everything from a health event or any change in fortune and see who is left. Very few if any. This includes family, freinds, and romantic. We live in shallow society where many are only associated with you for what you do for them socially, intellectually, professionally, financially, emotionally and physically or via family obligations, which is to say there are strings attached or resentment. I not only experienced this, I have seen others go through it too. Such is life as others have said here. It is a lesson learned in being my own best friend first and foremost, then not having expectations. My father told me this truth when I was a teenager. "Honest, loyal and close connections are rare. If you have 3-5 real friends over your life, you are fortunate indeed."

Vulnerability is overrated, you should first build a connection by sharing more superficial stuff. Most people feel uncomfortable with too soon Vulnerability. Plus it can be used against you. The masks have a function: Protection. The world we live in so cruel and unfair. The honest pure and sensitive souls need those masks hard!! Ive done this and more and still I am without friends. Because ive chosen a different path and een through alot. So i prefer peace and independence over overextending and feeling lonely even more while with people by being misunderstood.

There are some serious generalizations in your presentation that have caused some of us to stop listening. You start out by talking about shame. Not everyone who is friendless feels shame about who they are. So, right away, you've alienated many of us. It would be much more interesting if you looked at other causes for a more rounded explanation of how we end up without friends.

As a “woman with no friends”, my experience of this is that there is no drought and loneliness. But rather when I am not with others, I find I come through more fully. As if more of me comes into my body. And when I can feel my own presence, I never feel alone. The only time I feel drought or loneliness is when I become disconnected from that. But that can happen even when my life is full of people - partner, friends, very close loved ones. I once had many people in my life, and now I don’t. Maybe I will again one day, but the way I see it is that, as of right now, I am right where I’m meant to be. And at times, I can even feel on some level (that I can barely explain) that somehow everybody is my friend, regardless of who they are or what they’re doing or what role they’ve decided to play on this planet at this time. I feel that, even if I’ve never met them.

My friends are the ones who I chose and most importantly who chose me.
My husband who is my friend
My children who are my joy and inspiration. They accept me for who I am and love me unconditionally as I love them.

I have many acquaintances who I show great love and respect for because I’m conditioned to be a giver.
And as a giver, I have encountered many takers who taught me how to value my own peace. If I can’t be accepted and invited to social events I don’t need to invite myself. I value myself enough to know what God has for me is for me. And until a solid friend is discovered, I’m always more than happy to be without one.

Maybe we should be alone. I find my best time in the world is in the morning alone and in peace. I just think I love myself and don't need anyone, not my friends or my family. My peace is being alone but maybe I'm not alone I'm with God.

Denzel Washington s speech was 100 percent motivational and uplifting. This is victimhood story

But Brené... I do it. I have the courage to be open, vulnerable, authentic and to show my true self. And every time I'm rejected... again, and again, and again. I refuse to shut down, I refuse to give up. But it never changes. Every interaction confirms that my true self is repulsive and unpleasant... The long-term plan suggested in this video sounds like a fairy tale. If I had these possibilities, these abilities, I would not have ended up where I am now.

About the comments... It's sad to see how many people try to cope with isolation by negating their deep need for connection, by trying to convince that they are all right alone. This isn't human nature, it's a sad coping mechanism.

And though we can feel it strongly, I see that we all fail to find the precise, clear and gentle words to explain what is off in the narrative of this video. We are friendless because some things in us make us mess the positive steps every time. It helps to know our precise spots in need of improvment. But still... those pain/lack/wrongness/triggers/etc. in us won't disappear and we won't, suddenly, be this nice, joyful, positive and connected person!

I don’t have friend, I am 49 years old woman. I live alone. Why I need friend when I know people all have flaws, friend just like a relationship, you don’t need it when you are not healthy, and you don’t need it when other people are not healthy.

Thank you so much Brene, I've missed hearing your words, so glad your here, your voice is powerful, much needed a space during times of shifts and change, thank you 🫶🏻🕯

Another woman with no friend(s) here today 🙏🏼💜

The woman with no friends is me! Rather than the perception of alone, I consider me as All One. Alone = All One

I am proud to have no friends. I tried to build meaningful friendships but people love drama, gossip or judging other people. I felt uncomfortable or used because I could do their nails, hair or make up with nothing in return. Society tells us having "friends" is normal but really friendship starts from within. I'm still learning about my insecurities and shame. Life is a weird journey and I'm happy to meet people along the way but I'm also happy to move on without them.

This is a very stupid and insulting video.

I don’t have any friends because I have not met anyone who shares my values. Peace, a profound love of nature and wildlife, good health, loyalty, discernment… etc.

True. I'm completely invisible on the eyes of others. I gave my best and was discarded and even ghosted for people I had personally known for years (and who I wrongly believed were my friends). I remember that just hanging out with people 4-6 times a year already made me happy. Now I don't even have that. Logically, I don't have any significant other or children.

I chose at some point to chose myself and I fell in love with me and also you we are all the very same but with a unique perspective. There was a time when I was angry but that gave way to presence and peace. I wish you well and hope you find the peace in surrender.

I feel like a season alone is where we learn who we really are. We can find a real relationship with a higher power and learn to become whole through self love. Then we become selective in who we let into our space.

This is me 😢

I have no use for friends. I am not lonely. People suck and I don’t need drama b

I CHOOSE not to have friends and feel no shame in it whatsoever. You can still be sociable without becoming everyone's "friend." I enjoy my own company and find most people exhausting.

Just Brown's opinion/perception Doesn't make it truth for all.

This is me. A few years ago i started pulling back from friends who were consistently not reciprocating my friendship. I understand life happens so i continued to reach out to check in or arrange a catch up a few more times before I stepped back but i can only take so much rejection. Now i have no friends and its deeply shameful and i often wonder if i expect too much. But i dont think i do, i just want friendships with people that have the same expectations around friendship that i do.

I mean, but what, how, how do you know how I was raised to driven 😢🤫👵🏼💫

Yes I do have friends, they have paws 🐾

Left out of my life, for over ten years and my grandchildren finally seeing who I am, without doctors and medicine on a misdiagnosed condition that ruined my family unit and left me with No family of friends cus , I fired all of my Doctors and WOW m I’m healed and I no longer have Parkinson’s!!!? But I still have no friends or family because I went against the system 😢🤔😳😢💫❤️👵🏼

But you’re talking about a connection to someone else, and that’s just not not happening, so stop trying to encourage people that have no outlet 👵🏼❤️💫

Ppl suck

All of my past friends, unfortunately, did not know how to behave around my man. Shameless flirting, dressing up to come to my home, talking about sexual things in front of my man( he would leave the room).
Women need to know that if you need male attention, getting it from your friends man, will leave you in the dirt. Persona non gratia!

"But despite her best efforts she remains a woman with no friends" yes. And I keep being told I'm not putting myself out there enough. I feel like sometimes I put myself out there more than I'd like just to make a friend. And this video is reassuring even though I haven't yet listened to the end. I love Brene Brown. ❤

she took something beautiful and turned into a net negative. shame on her!

I’m 55 and this is me but I’m tired…had a few too many traumas and have a hard time not over sharing I guess. Being neurodivergent doesn’t make it easy either,

Totally False. All of it!

How I come across this, I love it.