Biochemistry of Avoidant Attachment Style

This is insanely good information to share. Where did you learn these sciences? The truth of it is amazing.

Incels?

You look more like a lawyer.

Does this cause physical health problems with high cortisol levels over deacdes?

Thank you for making this video. I am 31 and never knew my childhood trauma made me this way.

Loved, hurt by, and lost an avoidant woman. It was my last straw and broke me, now I'm avoidant.

Yes he’s got the right analysis and if this is the first you’ve heard an explanation it can seem liberating however you need to know the attachment style of your partner to be accurate in the solution

Is there even any point in trying to connect with an avoidant man? It seems that even if he did start trying to be emotionally available it would be hard. Im anxious as well, so it feels doomed.

Thank you. I am just now learning about this at 51, and I cannot believe the synchronicities. Thank you. Just... thank you. I have no words... unlike me...but I have worked so hard to understand, grow, learn, and overcome... MYSELF (I Guess). This filled in that missing puzzle piece, as to why I am so NUMB to life. I appreciate you.

"this is not about them being bad people". That is exactly correct, it's about them being bad PARTNERS

At just 27, I am utterly exhausted. To keep going, I've developed a harsh coping mechanism: punishing myself for feeling unlovable.

I've forced myself into an extreme, almost obsessive discipline. I quit all dopamine-inducing activities and stopped pursuing romantic relationships. My last relationship was a decade ago, and it had all the characteristics discussed in this video. Back then, I couldn't pinpoint what was wrong, but I knew something was off. I never truly connected with anyone.

When I finally understood what was wrong with me, I vowed never to hurt anyone again. I know it's delusional to think this way, and that I could be better if I tried.

But the truth is, I don't want to get better. My inner child is so wounded that he wants nothing to do with love or connection. I've spent countless nights crying myself to sleep, wondering why the universe made me so unlovable.

Now, I've learned to channel my self-hatred into something productive. It drives me to push beyond my limits—like a cheat code. Even though I know it's unhealthy, it’s the only way I’ve found to keep going.

One day, I'll exact my revenge on the universe. I'll make it see the pain it caused me, the hurt I never deserved. I'll prove that I don't need love or connection just to survive—I will thrive despite it all. And maybe out of kindness, it will make me loveable in the next life.

Can someone has an avoidant attachment tendencies but didn't grew up (childhood) in/from a hostile / broken home / divorced parents.

Can you make a video like this for the anxious and fearful avoidant attachment style?

I'm that girl....was raised in an ultra religious cult, where love of God was the only love accepted. I've been struggling my whole life not even knowing how to accept love.
I love a man who is an avoidant.
I never trust, I was always punished as a child. I was always out the door at the first sign of problems, as an adult.

Totally brilliant! Light globe moment!
I believe my date is avoidant, going to implement this advice.. prefer the authentic approach

How about anxious attachment style, what bio that they are chasing ? I wonder...

I grow up without a father with the narcissist mother.
Can you book help with avoidant attachment style?

Should i send this to him

Since i, as an avoidant, don't have interest in relationships i also assumed others thought the same way. So why would anyone want to spend time with me if i dont want to spend time with them? This led to my loneliness. I feel attraction toward women but i just can't get myself to be 'interested'. So the feelings are there but my mind doesn't want to invest in another person. Probably because i have been so lonely for a few years that my mind adapted to the circumstances. Trying to fix this right now.

wow you’re explaining me 😭🙈

I am anxious leaning fearful avoidant. I am attracted to dismissive avoidant which approves my core beliefs in childhood of intermittent reinforcement. My dad died when i was 11 and he's very loving & caring while i have a mom who's very aggressive, controlling, moody and critical. I discovered about attachment style few years ago, and do some deep inner healing and know what my triggers are. I love my D.A. to the point sometimes i'm overgiving and needs lot of attention and reassurance which i failed to communicate effectively sometimes and comes of bombarding him with text because i am disregulated. I need to feel seen & heard. I realized we both have different needs, i crave connection & more emotional intimacy while he survive with distance & space, freedom & independence etc... I guessed we're wounded child who met in adults projecting trauma responses to each other. Thank you Adam, you don't know how much your videos helps me tremendously to understand not only myself but him also. I have to stick with my self concept that i am calm, light hearted and a soul sacred safe space. I love him unconditionally, as i work on myself i hope he is going to be able to heal himself too.❤

Hello Adam. I have been listening to your videos for a couple months. I love an avoidant man. Can we talk?

This video is really speaking to my soul.

so this applies to friends and other non-romantic relationships as well right?

Anyone other women who used to think they might be on the spectrum because of difficulty connecting with others but now realize they are avoidant?

I am so shocked always thought I was just hyper independant. Also the excuse for not being in a relationship and 'running away' I get seriously anxious just thinking about being in a romantic relationship! I fit the avoidant to a tee😮😮

Mr Adam, new to your channel. I was in tears listening to your descriptions on Avoidant personality, and the chemistry and the thought that my girlfriend for the past year hasn’t been able to feel my love.
I’m the Anxious, she’s the Avoidant. She got scared about a month ago after a year long relationship and backed off. I’m trying to give her space, but trying to improve myself and understand her, and when I discovered what her attachment style is, and how she thinks, it completely explained everything.
Thank you for making these videos!

Being married to an avoidant man for almost 40 years.. this is so helpful. I’ve learned to live a lot of my life alone because he isn’t comfortable in many situations. He always dependable and reliable in anything except emotions.
I’ve brought the concept of avoidant attachment up to him but he is defensive about it. How can I help him?

Hi Adam, how to share these info with someone avoidant without making them feel ashamed or attacked.

As someone who recently came out of a relationship with a DA, this has really validated not only what I experienced, but also validated my understanding of him. It made me sad that he didnt understand himself. I tried so hard to help him, that I almost completely neglected myself. In the end when we broke up, he told me I was the cause of everything, and everything is my fault. He always spoke of himself as a highly confident person, but now I understand that its quite, in fact, the opposite.

Thank you.

I'm a psychology student and an anxious person (Secure leaning) with a DA person. This makes me think that the emotional pathway of intimacy for an Avoidant might be from Dopamine >>> Oxytocin. However, for me as an anxious, it is Oxytocin >>> Dopamine. I trust too quickly, and attach immediately than I should (FoA), and the emotional cocktail of oxytocin, GABA, vassopressin and serotonin then gives rise to my dopamine drive. Or maybe this has more to do with the fact that I'm a woman and he's a man? (as emotions are more of a prerequisite for physical intimacy for women than men). What do you think Adam?

You have answered the "but why?" question. Thank you.

Thank you so much for this video. I stumbled across the avoidant style before but never dig deeper. And I finally understand! I thought something was wrong with me, that I can’t seem to enjoy my relationship. I’m so ready to work on it, thank you for sparking it ❤

thank you, thank you... thank you very much. I sent her this video, if she ever unblocks me I hope it will help her.. but I also posted it on my social media so If she ever wanted to check out my socials I hope she'd stumble upon this

What's the difference between and avoidant and a disorganized/fearful avoidant in terma of biochemistry? Your video gave me a new view of that issue, thanks ❤❤

How do I learn how to speak an avoidant woman woman’s language. My fiancé is avoidant. I used to chase her. My chased just pushed her away. I want to build a loving relationship with her and marry her.

This is spot on I am an avoidant.. but then I have dated other men and fallen seriously in love.. ?? I am confused
.

If they don't feel love maybe they're not in love with this person ??

Do you ever explain the difference between avoidant attachment and Avoidant PD, because that is also a thing…

If someone has tumor in their head right on the part of the pituitary that stores and releases oxytocin and vasopressin, is that person ever able to fall in love?

Just discovering I have dismissive avoidant attachment, as a result of divorce after 29 years. God knows we tried, but I never gave up looking for a reason… thus creating one. Self loathing is an understatement right now. I thought it was his fault - turns out it was ME ALL ALONG 🥹

BEAUTIFULLY SAID

I get that home should be the safe space, where you return from all the BS around in the school, on the streets. But no, sometimes home meant more danger than on the streets... So, yes, no oxytocin and relaxation😅😅 Explains a lot tho.

Adam, do you think the GABA supplements you can find (such as at The Natural Grocer, or probably Amazon) could help?

Hi Adam,
Do you a video on dopamine withdrawal?

Love this so much Adam. Thank you. ~ (Ethically) Avoidant Woman slowly and steadily and intentionally progressing into Secure. Thank you for helping me understand so many things that I couldn’t understand and some I couldn’t even see before!

I had a huge oxytocin experience with an avoidant. He has not meet me after that. We are in touch after, but always bumping heads as to how we should come together. Lile hom pulling away and me trying not to chase him and so on. Now i have let go. But i dont know how to get closer woth him, how to get him not so scared. I can feel his anxiety. It's so sad.