Intimacy Anorexia: Characteristics & Resources | What is Intimacy Anorexia? | Dr. Doug Weiss

omg i have been searching for years on the problem my wife has , so i ordered the book for her will she read it

probably not

All of this

When I found him watching porn, flying off the handle from undiagnosed bipolar and then finding out he cheated on me twice, I pulled away. He's medicated now but the hurt stops me from feeling intimate with him. I've lost the respect and want for him. Consequences for actions. I would love to let me guard down but I've been hurt so many times.

For the longest time in my marriage I often wondered why I was never touched no for play I thought that was just the way it was. When I found out about my husbands secret life of massive porn strip clubs etc 99% of sex was for 2 minuites after he got done watching porn. And I didn’t even know when I did find out about it it was so sorry I won’t watch it anymore or I was told to grow up it’s normal to watch porn one time he even put a pillow over his face during
2 years ago I found out he had an affair that he denies (I have proof ) that porn never stopped he just got better at hiding it.
I would assume that’s why he has no emotions cuz he thinks that is what sex is (porn sex) I am devastated he doesn’t think it plays a role in the last few years with ED.

My husband is addicted to his phone and always busy. He wants me to always ask him for sex. Even when am seated with him he finds ways and means to ignore me.

Wish there is an email I can write?

Thank you! 😊

Everything you mentioned screams my partner. Yet nothing changes after converstation, and it turns to being on me to prove and have to earn intimacy. I don't know what to do?

It’s been about 7 years here . Never got in shape again my psychiatrist told me 2 years ago that my weight problem was lack of sex, I am so exhausted

Dr.Weiss can you tell me why they end up being intimacy anorexics? Is it because they have a mental issue or is it intentional?

I hate to say it, but what you are discussing in each segment of your video on intimacy anorexia is really sounds like what you are describing is "narcissistic personality disorder" NPD which is a mental disorder mentioned in the professional diagnosis codes of the Mental Health community.
This is all that I will say on this very serious topic.

Exactly, the negative narrative.. I know this and I never never found my way out of it.. I was guilty of things that wasn't even true and he would bring it again and again like a sword over my head.. crazy making

So what if he is checking all the boxes to having this, yet he was very different with his ex. Is it still intimacy anorexia? Or is he just not into her? They been together almost 10 yrs

It’s so hard to tell the difference between genuine sharing of feelings sometimes. Feelings are shared but shared in a sort of ‘ now you fix this’ kind of way.

Okay, I live this. It's a horror. My "husband" has never even been sexual with me since our wedding twenty one years ago. We have separate bedrooms (His choice). He does not show emotion except anger and rage. I get the silent treatment quite often. He will never stay around me as I'm have my morning tea. He will say "I have to go here or there. THen he has to take a shower. Anything to be away from me! 21 years wasted and now I am thinking of divorce. I'll be 66 soon but can't stand this life. I have asked him several times to just tell me why he never wanted to do anything. He actually says "I don't know" and I'm suppose to except that? He knows.

YES!!! He's almost never sorry. Everyone around us notices how he treats me. Withholding any connection. I feel that he hates me.

YES!!! Lies he tells himself about me. I'm the problem. He won't apologize. Yesss, emotionally 14. I need a miracle.

My husband is this exactly. He is a covert narcissist. Sometimes I think he's a sociopath. I didn't realize this for 33 years. I was raised with abuse. But I am relieved to hear this. And after all of these years in hell I love myself to want to heal his nightmare problems with him. He doesn't deserve me.

Mine plays dumb. Acts like he's stupid, can't find anything even if its staring him straight in the face. I ask him to please do something a special way.

AND.... on spite he dose it another way just to aggravate me till I start yelling and then he refuse's to hear me and tells me your crazy. While he walks away laughing. (Oh did I mention he has hearing problem)? It's called "Selective Hearing".

After I'm so aggravated with this boy/man I see he starts smirking and tells me, I'm a nut I'm just like my mother etc.

Or he says .... your always screaming....than this gives him the chance not to Connect yet again to me.

So I get frustrated bc I became the mommy yet again and "little boy blue" dosn't have to do anything and dosn't get to grow up.

He fights me on everything very combative w/me. if I say "yes" he says no. If I say blue he has to say green.
He will never ever give me the benefit of the doubt.
He is very secretive with his family they think he's the victim in this relationship God knows what he's told them.

He Loves his role as a Sissy boy/man won't connect with me on any level. I do not belittle him I keep everything inside till now. He is "passive aggressive" and you never know what he really feels bc he never shares what he is thinking.

Everyone else thinks he's such a nice guy. POOR HIM, he's got them all fooled. They all think he's Mr. WOUNDERFUL.

MEANWHILE - I gor the name and he plays the game.

😢I'm smart intuitive and intelligent. I stood only bc I didn't want my children to be from a divorced family. And I'm glad I did.
They are all successful.

But my children are all grown up and I will not tolerate this any longer. The problem lies with Divorcing him. Divorce is very $$$$ the only one's that succeed are the Attorney's. And I don't feel like giving all my money to them .
Thank you for hearing me rant.

There is a binge phase. Just like anorexia.

Can you have this just in emotional, physical and spiritual and have the person be demanding sexually because that’s what’s happened in my relationship my husband wanted no emotional interest no spiritual anything and then finally he began to rape me because I couldn’t give him the sex he demanded.

My husband doesn’t want to help and that’s where I am after 37 years and I’m not sure what to do for me.

Excally, all true all true

Thank God,helped so much

Explain dreams on sex relate to all this

Can one be intimicy anorexic in every aria just not sex....so asking for sex but witholding all the other?

Hopefully this reaches you my wife found this video I know it 2 yrs old but I am the 1 that is neglecting my wife to the point she is ready for divorce I want to fix my problem

This sounds like narcissism

Dr. - Can both individuals in the marriage have some degree of SA?

1. Too busy for your spouse (work, sports, community involvement),etc) even when both spouses are home (hours of tv, hours of cleaning, etc.)
2. Blame- never accountable without coercion, and using blame to deflect to avoid accountability.
3. Withhold the way you receive love- control tactic.
4. Withholding spiritually.
5. Withholding sex; Withholding initiation, disconnect during sex, etc. You feel more alone and used after sex then before.
6. Withholding feelings when you're alone with your spouse about you, themselves, life, etc.
7. Ungoing (picking) and Ungrounded Criticism- being punished due to their negative false narrative projected on you. You can't perform or be heard out of that mindset.
8. Anger and silence- use silence to control you. It's unkind and abusive. Usually ti get you to not confront them about their flaw(s).
9. Controlling money- you have no say in finances and/or they use what they buy for you as a way to control that they don't need to do anything else for you.
10. Feel like you have a roommate; feels empty, alone, etc.

So how do you deal with this problem

Rather be single and going solo than to deal with anyone who purposely withholds intimacy. It's a power and control issue of the unhealthy and unhealed person.

Well, I just found this after a breakup a few months ago. He was in the Marines for years… (almost a decade).

I thought his intimacy issues were due to that… but after we moved in together I began to feel like a roommate.

I always initiated, he was always distant in bed emotionally (literally, in his eyes, I could tell he was somewhere else), and I caught him multiple times brushing me off and then watching porn. Once we got into a fight over something small and he looked up hookers and hotels in the area.

He would stonewall me anytime I brought it up… silence for eons unless I gave up wanting an apology or change from him. He wouldn’t take any blame, or want to change. He said porn was art. He always blamed his back/neck/physical pain… but then would be whacking off for hours in the other room. I did gain weight, (honestly, I think from being emotionally and intimately denied for years) but I’m still hot, checked out where ever I go by strangers, and I’m not to the point where I’m obese. I’m just a little fluffier. It’s now up to me to BE THE CHANGE. I’m on my weight loss and self-love journey now.

I had enough. I can’t talk or work with a brick wall. Byeeee. He definitely took a hard swing at my ego and deepened my insecurities, but I love myself too much to let this go any further…
It’s already been 3 years.

I say—if they won’t talk about it or work on it—RUN FOR THE HILLS LADIES! (& men)

Does being married to a possible intimacy anorexic and porn addict make us (wives) start having some of the characteristics of an intimacy anorexic? Because of his behavior, I find myself acting in ways I would not otherwise act in a healthy relationship. I dont want to have sex with him or show outward expressions of love towards him because of his porn use and disrespectful comments and treatment of my family, its like he has to put them down. And then he thinks everyone in his family hung the moon and I should be excited over everything they do.

Ive been searching for years trying to figure out what was happening to me. Wow. Its a very lonely life to be married to someone like this. It deeply hurts. How anyone can prefer an image to you. Withhold love. Its crazy

Mine is great with words, great with physical affection. But it always feels like he's just going through the motions. Sex is daily, always with his eyes closed or staring at my body parts. There's no depth to any if it. No connection.

Nice to know this is exactly what we are doing with... I pray it will end well... but so far not so good...

Roommates. Except less nice. That about describes it.

The sin of withholding

wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Doug...watch you all the time on ministry now.. I watched the video about Intimacy / Anexoria and realize that each character situation a perso experiences was absolutely what I am living ... My marriage of soon to be 18yr. Is absolutely suffering because of these issues . My husband is very good friends with an elderly gentleman who shares a lot of information about our marriage while I look like the bad guy. I have emailed his mentor several times explaining what I'm going through in my marriage. Apparently , he believes what he says . I have been listening and taking notes of your videos.. . What do you suggest would be my next step in all this ? Is it possible to speak to a councilior within your ministry ?
Ty. June

Does it count if you became an intimate anorexic after living years in trauma and abuse with the spouse. Shutting down after years of feeling ignored and mistreated.

I know it’s usually is the guy but what if it’s the opposite. It’s hard to deal with it.

Even wedding anniversaries birthdays valentines he is so cold not even remembering any of it for him its an oridanary days in the calendar

They are selfish and unloving. They are who they are and if they change, it will be short lived!! We deserve better and it’s better to be alone bc at least you are not further being traumatized. I will not be married and alone. That’s not what the Lord wants and not how he intended marriage to be. There comes a time when you are just done bc they just love themselves more than you. It’s reality so stop living the fantasy that they will change. Change never happens until THEY decide to change and rarely that happens. My husband isn’t bothered that I am sad. He is happy…something wrong with that !!

She’s one of the most beautiful actresses I have ever seen…

Her expressions here make her one of the prettiest actors ever!
College and University are different things.
So are Exams and tests

I really can't believe this was released 24 years ago. It's pure nostalgia of the teenager days...

I'm literally crying because the girl asks jump at the window Andrew is so kind


"One is glad to be of service"
That line just....hits hard❤