Lil Xan Talks Sobriety, Dealing with Anxiety, New Music and What's Next for 'Xanarchy' Brand

Good for him, man. I was severely hooked on Xans and booze for a decade. I weened off and my life is so much clear. Much love ❤️ Lil Xan. Much Love ❤️

NODA. Let’s go!

Xanarchy Gang 🩵✨

I remember in like 2019 I also went cold turkey like I almost ODed on these like anti-depressants cause I was hella suicidal at the time I think late 2018-early 2019 is when I started getting hella depressed and sick and after I went cold turkey off the anti depressants I wasn’t falling asleep in school anymore and I wasn’t like groggy and couldn’t function, cause I remember I was in my junior year at that time and bro like my teachers were worried about me and then I felt like they weren’t working and took more than what was prescribed to me and kept taking more and more because I felt like the capsules weren’t working like I was talking the amount of anti anxiety meds I was supposed to be talking at the time, but took like 2 or 3 of the anti depressants and then my mom noticed I was almost out and was wondering if I took more than what I was supposed to be taking. And I ended up one day being like after taking more pills than I should’ve and feeling like they weren’t working, I was like fuck this and stopped cold turkey, and after that I felt amazing, I felt more level headed and not so tired all the time and my teachers noticed and they were proud of me but were also like telling me I shouldn’t have gone cold turkey off the anxiety and anti depressants but I felt good, but my senior year in like late 2019-early 2020 was hard I remember going back on anti anxiety’s cause around March I think the pandemic was really starting to close in, and our last in person day was March 16th, 2020 and I thought we were just gonna go remote for a few days or a week, but it ended up me never being able to go back in person and it really killed me like I stopped doing my school work to hope that they would fail me and I could stay in highschool longer but at that time they had no idea what they were gonna do with the grading system on aspen so they kept my grades from the past semester or quarter (whichever one it was) and I still had straight A’s even tho I remember making a Google doc on how much work I was missing and getting proud of how much I was missing when in reality when I was physically in school I was the first one to hand in their work and on time

part 2, it was getting to long lol, imma put this in parts

Anyways like I remember that when I’m quarantine in my room I’d have really bad panic/anxiety attacks from not being able to go anywhere or be physically in school. Like I don’t know I felt like it was more of a seizure or virtigo now that I look back, because I do suffer from epilepsy and take medication for it, but I felt like at that time is when I really had to get back on anti-anxiety meds, and I remember when they graduated me I was even more upset like I remembered flashbacks from Freshman year when people would say once your a junior or senior you get to go on field trips and stuff like that and have like field days and shit like that, and I remember in like 2009 in like second grade everyone saying 2020 is the future and for me I was thinking they was talking about flying cars and shit like that, never did I know that it would be graduating HS in the worst way possible along with a deadly pandemic

And then from like 2020- I’ve been hella depressed and suicidal and I still wish I’d be going to Taft like forever and ever as a student but I can’t, and seeing all the recent graduates being able to have the senior picnic and everything going back to normal more or less and people being able to experience what I never got to experience and was promised at like 15 years old, it’s sad and still kills me to this day, like I’m obsessed with my highschool and want to be apart of it every single day tho idk if I can or not. I’m like just done with my life at this point, like I don’t wanna live anymore, my friends who I thought were my friends told me that we were never friends and just classmates even tho we talked a lot through text, ft, and instagram, and also made plans but last minute they’d always cancel, and then like I don’t know if I just have a hard time making and keeping friends because I’m like autistic and neurodivergent or what it is but I live a sad sad life living alone, like my mom kicked me out and then I lived with my dad for awhile till things got abusive like I was taking sleeping gummies cause I had really bad insomnia and they put me on a lotta drugs I probably shouldn’t have been on, and I gained alotta weight at the time and was over eating because I was force fed to eat larger and larger portions and then was fat shamed. And then months and months later I moved back to my moms house and was fine, they got me on regular meds, I lost my weight and was fine, until the abuse started up again and they kicked me out and I was homeless sleeping at the TBK and shit and walking around Norwood Park alone when there was a really bad storm and shit and got groomed by some black dude that took me out to the alley cause he had to pee and tried taking me home with him and I said no, and then some family had to save me and I was couch surfing between houses and then went to a crack hotel after my grandma didn’t want me anymore and I had no food or money and people were tapping on the windows when I was tryna sleep, and there was like pimps and prostitution there and drug dealers I was not safe and then another family member took me out and let me stay at the renaissance hotel for a few days which was nice and then I had to find somewhere to go, so then I moved in this shitty apartment and then I’m now in another semi-shitty apartment that this one has a bug problem and the last one had a bug, and people smoking in there bathrooms and shit and nobody wanted to visit me and then like I know it was by the HIP (Harlem-Irving Plaza) but I don’t like walking around busy places so I basically stuck myself inside and never left and also was so suicidal that I started neglecting myself and my needs and would have severe panic attacks in there and such

And then like now I live alone and I hate it, like I need people to be around me to be happy, I know I can walk around as it’s not that busy and it’s more of an actual neighborhood but last time I went walking on my own it because it made a huge trip in an ambulance to Ressurection hospital because I had a several panic attack and felt like I couldn’t even move or anything and was freaking tf out, and then they gave me something to calm me down and knock me out like so I could sleep, and then told me I’m like schizo affective and shit like that which I’m not and idk I’ve been really messed up and like have basically been hermitting myself again because I’m too nervous to go outside alone and they also said I have agoraphobia (the fear of being outside/outside alone) which is probably true but I don’t think being alone and inside all the time is good for my mental health and it’s just downward from here it keeps spiraling and spiraling

And like idk what to do like I dropped outta college/failed and never wanna do that ever again and I don’t have a job so I just sit around on my ass all day and night. But like it’s hard for me to find a job and need people to help me do so, like I wanna either work at my hs (Taft High School) or work at Pets Supplies Plus, but idk lol, and I wish I could see my family more but they seem to just forget that I exist and want nothing to do with me and say that I’m a pain or something to be around which I’m the opposite and just wanna be the nicest I can to people, and expecially help at anything I can or people will let me do, etc. like I’m probably a pain cause I’m a Virgo (born a day after Diego which he’s 9/6 and I’m 9/7 but of a different year of course, but I feel like we’re soulmates lol)

But lol I always feel like I wanna die cause there’s nothing good left for me, like yea I’ll dog sit occasionally and get paid for it, but I feel like to be happy maybe I could have that as a part or full time job cause I love dogs and am happiest when around them

I don’t think it helps that my parents have put me against eachother my entire life and made me their messenger pigeon and shit like that and between the two of them lying to me, and physically, emotionally and mentally abusing me, I don’t think that’s helped me to the person I’ve become either, lowkey I wanna be friends with Diego/Lil Xan I feel like that would help me a bit ngl

And I mean like besties lol not just friend idk cause he’s basically the reason I’m still here and alive to this day Diego, Lil Skies and Juice Wrld is basically why I’m still living tbh without them I probably would’ve done it years ago, rip Juice, but Diego’s at least still here and I love him so much and he’s helped me through a lot and Skies is still here too

Lil xan is a cool dude. Finally people see it

Hes been through a lot that allows him to have such insights and wisdom

I'm happy lil xan is getting sober. I love him. I want him to do well. Lil xan or Diego. I don't mind. I really feel bad about his anxiety.

Lil xan 🎉🎂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Sick bro

Great to see Diego back! Always knew he was talented!

Awwwww my baby 🥺❤️

I’m so proud of him I love him so much 💔💔💔

❤❤❤ love to see him grown and sober ❤❤❤ hes amazing in every way.😊