Authenticity: How to “Be Yourself” | Being Well Podcast

Finally, a nuanced discussion of the concept

I giggled when heard, "and my dad." 😂

Thank you guys, wonderful session. I feel like it answered so many questions I've been thinking about for a long time. Especially that we can't just be our authentic selves all the time as new age speakers would have us believe. And then the wonderful concept of being yourself being of making our decisions based on our own independent values. Love this

Dr. Hanson is a legend. 😂 he should write a fantasy fiction novel because his analogies are so good.

I really enjoyed this episode. Rick is a mensch.

I broke up with my partner of 7 years and am still in the process of moving out, and so often it feels like I've completely lost myself. There is little joy in my life anymore and most interactions feel like I'm not bringing anything to the table. How much of this is needing to refind myself after a very invasive years-long relationship, how much is keeping up my guard to protect myself, and how much is depression?

Super interesting and insightful! Thank you so much for your excellent work!

What a beautiful relationship these two have. I wish I could’ve had this with my father.

it is such a pleasure and joy to listen to these conversations....thanx a billion

This was so good! Touched me...I learned to cognitive bypass early on. I consistently try to embody myself in different ways, small steps every day. This discussion was so helpful to me...thank you!❤

Love that IFS framing of authenticity. I definitely presented authentically as some of my parts but other parts felt so vulnerable or unacceptable that I just kept them private. As I've aged, of course, I've gained confidence and evolved my world view, as well as existing in a changing context, which allows different parts to venture out there.

“Let it be in one of the rooms in the mansion of your mind without letting it overtake the whole house.”

I have added a couple affirmations after listening to Bernardo Kastrup. "I an doing what I am supposed to be doing" and "I am being who am supposed to be". The thing about affirmations; they don't have to be true, you just have to want them to be. I am lucky that they work really well for me and soon, I find I am aligning with them. These new ones are a bit different because they offer instant peace, remembering Bernardo's philosophy, which in my self constructed nutshell is: the universe is expressing itself through me and the universe has to be what it is because it is what it is. There have been many uncomfortable moments in my life where I've felt I'm in the exact wrong place, but I can take comfort from knowing that it has to be that way in order for the universe to learn how uncomfortable that situation is. One the whole, though, it just eases my feelings of general anxiety.

To anyone reading this: You are enough just as you are. Don’t let the opinions of others dull your light. Keep shining bright. ✨

Thank you for sharing this. For me, especially, when I see men discussing their feelings among each other, doing so removes a lot of the cultural stigma of not being able to know men that I have grown up within as a female. Women have been taught a lot of Rules around not prying into men’s emotions; so much more about what those rules mean than what I can describe what that means here. It’s intimidating not to be able to talk to men about their emotions. It’s scary for me. Because you’re kind of damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I’m not blaming men at all. They have been acculturated to the same. Take this dynamic and layer it over when a man and a woman are having a tough time to begin with and trying to build trust around sharing feelings of intimacy. This can be particularly challenging for both.. Thank you for softening talking about men’s feelings by simply exemplifying it here and going through the motions. It helps.

Im leaving military service after 20 years. Deeply moved by this chat as I navigate which parts of me were useful and which parts no longer serve a purpose in who I really am and who I want to become. Thanks

This is my favorite podcast. It helps to align my mind to my heart, something i have always struggled with my entire life. Thank you for having these important conversations, helping me grow, and improving my life on this earth.

Excellent show. Some may think authenticity includes expressing emotions.... it is very confusing. The culture I come from, lots of expression of emotions and verbal as well. It is a complicated subject and you did an excellent job at it. Maybe authenticity is bottom line learning to accept all aspects of ourselves and then the wisdom to reveal aspects appropriate to the person or the situation. I suspect, the journey is a solo unique journey to the person in all its configurations but then learning to discern the persons or situations we are in, and being authentic within that context. Complicated subject and for sure, will listen to this episode again. Thank you so much for these podcasts. So very helpful! 💖

I used to have performance anxiety because of the false self - I was performing to be nice and listen and be polite etc etc etc.... but I was still not transformed or integrated. I had to slow down to do the inner work - over time I had to learn about what was going on with me on the inner plane. I found out, surprise to me, I had lots of anger, fear and ignorance....I was unaware. I had to hide those parts from others because I felt they were my afflictions and I had shame about them.

I was raised sheltered and also mainly in survival mode. I had no idea about my inner self and unaware as the programming I had within me was to care for others and that my issues are my issues to keep hidden. My journey has been a challenge because I was alone and had to find my way - but also, it was good to be alone for that may have made it more challenging to do "this work" with others who may not be interested and therefore, I may have felt even more alone. I have been working at this since 1977. I had gone through what they call, the dark night of the soul... that was the big motivator to diligently search for the answer. These days, what I do mostly is take time out for challenging stuff to get clear about what is going on and also to transform the venom and muster enough courage, when I get ready, to communicate it mindfully. All this is work. To me, I call life: work and that we are work in progress. 

That is what it is to me. I ran away from my original culture because in some ways it was confining and I was in search about what this life is all about. I am truly happy and more at peace to be where I am - the only little glitch being - it gets a bit lonely re being able to be completely myself with others.... . I do enjoy solitude and am so grateful to have that. But I had changed countries and survival and learning how to do things for myself was another big challenge. most people do not relate. BUT I learnt to be self reliant and self empowered but have not found the right community or group for my needs... and I do not want to compromise myself. I want to be authentic and be who I am - I want to feel safe to be who I am and also connect with others in a healthy way. I have learnt to accept that aspect and leave it to the energetic forces in the Universe to reveal to me if there is any I need to be doing re that.

A long sharing I know. But thanks for the space and for your work that helps in making me feel I have a community on line with whom I connect. Namaste 🙏💖 p.s. I am 80 and started the journey in my 30's. 🙏😉

I have been binging your videos since I recently discovered your channel. I have to say I really love your conversations and they help me a lot.

Loved the topic! I watched it twice. The second time just to observe the 2 of you interacting with each other. Love it!

I make my life as performatively authentic . I dress in ways that feel genuine to my core I wanna stand out because in my deepest self, I want to stand out. And so I live my life authentically albeit in a theatrical way

I'm fascinated with the concept of reclaiming my interior , thank you Rick for putting language to this nuance. It resonates particularly for those of us who are processing early trauma and doing the work to understand where we are on our authentic continuum.
It's a life long process .
I appreciate the respectful and insightful conversation.

So blessed to have a father who listens.....

Bless you both. I appreciate your wisdom. Thank you.

Very happy to hear the topic of creating "personas" in pursuit of authenticity and exploration talked about, and the concept of multi-minded self in general. I'm both an identity coach and a person with an intentionally plural identity structure, and it's a practice I've found incredibly helpful in exploring who we are, whether it's by roleplaying, tulpas/intentional plurality, Internal Family Systems, or any other means by which we explore branches of who we are, or who we might like to be. Constructing an identity as an anchoring point to explore facets of ourselves can give a lot of direction and structure to a process that is often overwhelmingly vague and amorphous. Love your videos/podcast! Perhaps someday I can be a guest if you're looking to discuss the topic of identity further.

Thank you both

This is so rich, so nourishing, not in least because of the subtext of your interactions with each other. The notion of masking up with the unexpressed aspects of one's self is brilliant; I have an inner Woods-woman who was deeply appreciative of that.

I love your videos, thanks for the amazing insightful and interesting content.

❤❤❤

If my orientation is love or truth, authenticity can become less complicated than we make it out to be.
At a meeting recently, a young woman helped me see this in the moment.
(funny how it can take years of practice and exposure for an idea to land)
She simply said, "Is how I'm being pulled to react instinctively in alignment with who I want to be, or who I know I am? Does this response lead me to more love, more joy or more distress, more isolation?"
While behaving in ways that bring more suffering can look like an authentic expression, it's (almost) always based on a misapprehension of our actual position and power.
It takes an incredibly wide view of what we're doing here, and from my side I need constant reminders to keep me from shutting windows and doors; to keep me from trying to prevent pain in favor of seeking love and the expression of it.

Thank you!

I have a sensitive question: as an artist, I created artworks & people can buy it. But.. they want to talk with me, spending hours on- line, being for them or even spend time physically. I tried to give what I can ("God send people to you" so..), but my authencity needs to be closer my needs, which is spending time on my own term, not being "on sale" - as I feel in those cases. Help!

Intelligent life in 2 generations!!! You gentlemen validate my reality and restore my hope in men and in humanity. Thank you!

I love this podcast! I am really working on boundaries and not over sharing. I do have neurodivergent issues and sometimes I have the hardest time knowing how to be around people and just start yacking about my personal stuff. This helped me so much.

I think it’s an interesting podcast but for anyone neurodivergent this isn’t really a possible way to understand more. It leads to internalized ableism.

I believe in calming practices that "naturally" reduce impulsive responses that may come up in me.

I put it in quotes because nature, outdoors, exercise, mindful practices like humming or chanting Om, breathwork, meditation (various), journaling, gratitude, intention setting.
Optimal sleep.
Sleep is based partly on my practices. It's based on the kinds of foods and when eaten.
Mood is tied to gut-health, so I embrace fiber, food variety, less sugar, and micronutrients, polyphenols, and carrying a helpful body weight.

I look for ways to engage with others, intersect in a mutually beneficial way with curiosity and openness.

Okay, I listen to a great number of podcasts, and this was one of the most helpful I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Not exaggerating. I’m grateful for the both of you sharing all this. Wisdom is just flowing freely here. This impacted me (positively) more than you’ll know.

I completely resonate with this entire podcast.
Thank you both!!

Hey Forest, you might find growing potatoes in a sack an easy way to start, or a dwarf tomato plant at your window. Enjoy =)

New listener here and I’ve heard about 3 convos now between you two and I have felt them in my heart. Thank you.

I was wondering if at the bottom of this well rests the question of if there is a God and if that God has a moral compass that is a commandment not a suggestion. Hitler, Stalin, Mao had a moral compass, but it seems to not be based on a Judeo-Christian moral code. Many of our parents had a moral compass not based on obedience to love, compassion, joy, peace, patience, self-control, but rather to whatever they felt like obeying at any given moment. Hence, we have unstable, confusing programming and must decide what we believe and why we believe it. Is Hamas or Israel doing the right thing? Are we doing the right action?

About to listen to the video and already compelled to say, mmmmmm, delicious food for thought, cant wait

Love your podcast! Topics are always relevant, thought provoking, and a great resource for self- awareness and personal growth. Thank you so much for such valuable insights!

Forrest nailed it "The GAME we're all playing" BAM💥 This is exactly why I stay to myself. I don't like the game!

Hi Forrest and Rick. Another great topic and discussion. Your insight into authenticity highlighted that keeping it real and NOT being an arse…. Is too true. Some people can confuse the two. You mentioned being stymie concerning a feeling or inaction you felt. I did have a brief thought of the Mr Men books by Roger Hargreaves such as Mr Happy etc. I feel you can channel Mr Stymie if you like ( such a good word choice). I use to joke to my now past husband I would have been Miss Common sense or Miss Logic. ‘Tis a cross we have to bare. Rick I am sure would suit Mr …. Serene. The books concern the emotions that arise from sensations, very unadorned and simple presentation with the graphics… if any one can relate 😮. Simple pleasures.

Enjoyed this conversation!!

"mirror mirror on the wall" the" doctor" knows me

My concern about believing that we are all just beautiful flowers raises the issue of the shadow self. I will never integrate our whole shadow self in our life time. Become more aware yes but not a beautiful flower with no dark spots.