How to Stop Ruminating and Overcome Social Anxiety

What if it’s so bad that therapy and medications won’t work. Is there a way to change the brain to work so misleading

Root cause: I'm ugly

My rebuttal to the "it's in your head or you're too much in your head, it's just your insecurity" :
The reason I have social anxiety is from watching other people look awkward and mess-up socially and seeing how it affects them, how people start talkinh shit behind their backs and making fun of them, how they lose respect, how they end up being left out, or asked out of pity, etc...

Thank you Dr. K

That's exactly what I was facing in therapy. Intellectually I know people don't care, it doesn't matter that much, etc. So if the therapist said things like that, I said 'I know', but it doesn't really help the anxiety. I also know hundreds of hacks and tips of dealing with it. In the end, it's always back one way or the other.

"...Sirs, what must I do to be saved? And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house. "-Acts 16:30-31 KJV

“As it is written, ‘There is none righteous, no, not one.'” (Romans 3:10, KJV)

“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23, KJV)

“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8, KJV)

“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (Romans 10:13, KJV)

“Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.” -Acts 2:38

Anxiety for me involves judging myself critically. I agree that the attention is on yourself instead of it being out there at your audience . Anxiety also feels like a fight or flight situation too. If I want to say speak to someone of the opposite sex which I perceive as attractive I also get very anxious. But if I perceive them as normal person I don’t tend to feel anxious. Also, does anyone feel overly self-conscious ?

❤

Planet Ayurveda's Vikramprash is a fantastic stress reliever. I've been using it for weeks, and I feel great!

Working through this currently and this has been a good starting point

I really enjoy your videos on social anxiety, even though I forget about them almost always a day after, because I am not really super tuned in. But I really have noticed that I dont have the kind of social anxiety as a had in the past. Like in school. I was terrified of people, because I got bullied a lot. I didnt trust people, I got emotionally neglected my whole childhood. So, there was just a huge drawback to interacting with people. (Did always have 1-2 best friends though). Now as an adult, I realize, its really that I fear the conversation the most and that I dont know if I can give value to the other person. I know I can, and I have strong friendships to ""prove"" that. My people love me, but still inside, I just feel deep inside, that I still hate me. I accomplished a lot, but its never enough. No matter what I do, I feel I am never enough. If someone is in a bad place and I am trying to help; I feel anxious, because I might not have the best solution or whatever at that time and place and later on I regret that I might have found a way to have helped them better. Its like I owe people and myself, to always be on point or I dont deserve attention, love, respect, anything. I know where it comes from and I know I am more mindful about it now, but its still very persistent.

And what I like about this video is, that we all realize, when the pain, anxiety, anger or whatnot is talking. But I still fall into the trap and project it on my identity. Because I think I am boring, I must be boring or such stupid loops. As in reality, as you have said. My mind can play these games forever with me, finding a reason to block me for the most absurd shit.

I will try to implement to make it the anxiety-guy. Because I dont have to listen to that guy, if he cant talk to me decently.

Something i have an issue with is knowing how to start conversations and, knowing how to respond to people or carry the conversation.

But i am ruminating, I am being annoying.

Loser

unless you say boring things!

it's hard to overcome feeling like you have no value to others.. like on an emotional level

i feel like i’m annoying whether i’m quiet or not

I think if you think you're being boring to the person, and this is going to sound un healthy, I excuse myself so I can take a break and think away from the person or group that's causing that.

I wouldn't even say anxiety is my problem, but the fact that i have no interest in participating in most conversations happening around me

Please make some more videos on OCD! I would appreciate it if you included the chronic guilt, the guilt often holds me from being productive or taking care of myself. Another interesting thing is there is a correlation between social anxiety and OCD.

Best way to get over social anxiety: get old and stop caring

Worrying about, “Am I boring” or “Am I annoying” or “I am feeling so anxious,” is a form of selfishness. Conversations are a shared experience with another person. The criteria for success is whether or not you make a connection with that person. That person will judge the overall conversation by how he/she feels afterwards. If you ruminate on self-centered thoughts then you are worrying only about yourself. Focus on the other person when talking to them. You will succeed even if you are somewhat awkward during the exchange.

Very interesting. I did this unconsciously. It worked on my general anxiety too. When i would go to bed i would start fearing i might die or people might die. Once I started being okay with the fact that i probably wouldn't sleep good and that i would feel bad it suddenly disappeared. I also thought, well if i really feel that bad i might as well go to the hospital or take some medications, it's okay! Im happy i had this self talk with myself😅❤

Option 2 never partake in social interactions, social higharky is a illusion

This recently happened to me during my wife’s extended thanksgiving family get together. 😢

Honestly the more I successfully take steps to improve my life (and so the value I provide myself) even if it is something small I typically feel much more and am more social after. current working theory is I need to provide value for/invest in myself in order to feel secure in relation to others. Might sound obvious but I'm interested to see how it plays out should I follow through.

I have come to the point where my anxiety makes me feel like I'm unlikable. I've been working on it, and pushing myself helps a lot.

dr k. You’re very funny and creative. Obviously very knowledgable as well. Im incredibly grateful for the videos you’re putting out. Ur down my alley of interest, thought, n stuff. been really absorbed in what ur saying 😀

his teeth is so white that it looks like his shirt is clipping through his neck and into his mouth

The answer is "yes" in both cases, because you're focused on yourself entirely and not paying attention to what other people are saying. Which devalues them.

Doubly so if it's male not listening to female.

Rumination is slowly killing me. I don't know how normal people go about their lives without thinking and analyzing constantly.

Really good video....thanks.

Good Video

Yo your on point thank you so much

Bruhhh, I’m done with this disorder man. Always stressed af

I always go in to these thought loops for stuff that happened in my childhood... thinking "if only I had done X Y Z...ect maybe my life would be different" then I explore all the different paths my life could have taken. and if I would be better off.

为什么会这样

生命没有意义

Rumination is insane. You feel hyper yet anxious yet angry yet sad yet empty. It feels obsessive and makes you feel exhausted afterwards.

It honestly feels embarrassing to be stuck in the loop in the first place once you've been told of the route cause, it makes you wonder why the brain does the things it does.

Okay I'll try to get down to the root cause
I feel social anxiety because
I'm scared of embarrassing myself
I'm scared of looking stupid
I want to look cool and not make a fool of myself
Because I want people to like me
Because I feel like people will think that I'm uncool if I fumble or make a mistake.
Because I keep referring to memories of me being clumsy and immediately being stared at
Being clumsy, making mistakes and being stared at confirms my beliefs that I'm stupid
I don't want to be stupid because if I'm stupid then I won't be able to succeed in life
If I don't succeed in life then I might as well end it now lmao
How am I supposed to fix this

My issue with this is, what if you ARE boring/annoying? Then isn't the ruminating necessary to try fix it

I'm aware of my own thoughts and realize that when a anxious or depressive episode starts that it is the cause of certain thoughts to appear in my mind. I can ignore/suppress those thoughts but then I'm just blank until the depressive/anxious state of mind goes away which usually takes between 15 to 30 minutes. Haven't figured out how to snap out of these moods faster so I can actually contribute socially...

Also...

I always assume that no one wants to hear what I have to say. I can't seem to shake that assumption. my mind often goes blank cause of anxiety making it difficult to remember interesting anecdotes. I'm so turned into myself and my mental worries that I'm often incapable to get out of my head and venture outwards into my surroundings and other ppl. I really dislike the way my mind works...

This man changed my life without me paying a dollar ❤

Imagine having social anxiety for talking to chatgpt

Love how I'm pausing the video every 5 seconds to ruminate