The Attachment Styles and How They Affect Your Relationships #shorts

“You don’t need me! 💁🏽‍♀️”

Can a person shift between two styles?

I'm avoidant. I love my partner and I loved my friends, but it has always been incredibly draining to actively engage with them. I no longer keep friends around because I thought I'd have more mental energy to talk/do things with my partner, but I'm still exhausted. I'm always content just being in the presence of my partner, but he is anxious and needs constant affirmation that I love and want to be with him and wants to do engaging things. I try to meet him half way by planning to play games together and having long conversations about things we like, but even though I enjoy those things it often feels like a chore. I just got diagnosed with ADHD this month, so I'm wondering if that has anything to do with it, but either way I just want to have the energy to be more present in my relationship and I'm not sure how.

Good to know these arent permanent

I thought I was more anxious , but based on this, I’m actually much more avoidant. They just have the same root of insecurity.

Avoidant Attachment style 💯
What is very curious is when I was a teen-twenties I fell into the anxious style, constantly on alert my relationship was going to end and jumping to end things first. Now in my almost 40’s and I’ve been married to someone with a secure attachment style for almost 10-years. The thing you said that hit the most real is “relying on their own resources” my husband always says- why didn’t you just say something- I would have fixed it for you?😢😂😊😮❤

Can being in a relationship change your attachment style?

Truuueee

I have severe anxious attachment issues, i am currently working in becomin more secure

I think it’s possible to have different attachment styles depending on the relationship. I’m secure in my familial attachments, enough to be vulnerable, ask for help in solving problems. But “emotional support” where there is no problem solving is a waste of time in my opinion. No one can talk through/cure grief or loss except for religious care of the soul in my experience. I certainly don’t rely on “friends” because they are not my family or charity, they are friends. I don’t think it’s appropriate to be intimate with friends. That is reserved for family in my experience.

Even in explanations anxious attachment seems to have "more" than avoidant because there seems to be more on the surface.

Avoidant due to lack of trust from others, that never seem to be there for me. So... I'm extremely independent.
And then when someone tries to even do the smallest thing like help carry groceries inside or help me with things I always say/ do the-
That's ok, I got this...
The guy I'm dating has to TELL me-
You did all the shopping and put it in the car, I can take them all out and carry it all inside.
You did your part. Thank you.
I got this.
We dated once before 7 yrs ago and now we better understand each other.
He is also Avoidant and Controlling issues is his way of trying to control his environment.
He is letting go of this as well.
Not sure he knows about this kind of information.
Can say we are both older and understand each other very well and mirror each other in so many ways.
Now we SEE and UNDERSTAND so much more.
Us meeting and being together is Growth and A Learning Experience 💯

Now I see why after trial people leave this earth. I so get it now. We have someone destroy us and trying to heal and years and years of healing is not getting us closer to the end.

Avoidant = oblivious to emotional pain circuits, anxious = obsessive about the unsoothable flow of emotional pain they experience, Then anxious-avoidant = oblivious to pain until shit hits the fan and then they crumble and need someone to come help them turn off the spigot. So they need to learn to feel pain where they don’t and to self soothe pain where try anxiously ruminate or future trip over.

I have fearful avoidant attachment style

Not to mention how dating an avoidant person can slowly but surely turn a secure attachement into an anxious attachment and completely destroy your mental stability.

Im avoidance. I avoid everyone. All the time. Happy by myself ❤ all the horrid people stay away! I live in peace and happiness 😊

What if your attachment style depends on theirs? When I’m with someone who I like more I’m anxious. When it’s the other way im avoidant 🤷‍♀️

This video was really helpful. Wow!! I didn’t even think I had a style until this video.

Is it possible to have an anxious attachment style and an avoidant attachment style?

Ick. Just avoid these people.

I’m gonna create a new one called insecure anxious avoidant.

Any sign of anything I just stay single and I’m safe forever and women will never get my brain.

Negative sign. Avoid.

Positive sign. Avoid.

A sign is a sign. 😂

Anxious here- I’ve had several successful relationship. And by several I mean 2 (still with my 2nd) I think some men like you being all into them😂

I won't ever have this problem.Everybody is kept at a distance.

Attachments styles are more confusing the more I hear about them. I can identify with both anxious and avoidant...

It is unfortunate that the boomer generation normalized mental illness such as trauma and demonized going to therapy… generations harmed

My brain wants me to write that I'm not like that in very personal, private relationships, I'm only avoidant when it comes to disappointing a teacher/collegue/ boss and then, yes I am scared of rejection. Well, 1. The truth is that I haven't gotten to be like this in close relationships cause I avoided getting to know people. I've simply never made friends I would be completely honest with. But I've also healed a lot which helps me with responding to someone's friendly attitude without overanalising it. But to my brain it's obviously a sign of being completely healthy, not just better. 2.This is already bad. 3. I am like this with my family, this is precisely why I scewed up my relationship with them. Or I feel like I did, you can never know. It's the fear of them banishing me from our life, denying me a right to come back home, keep my souvenirs etc. if I show how imperfect I am. And each time I, as a human, need to have someone on my side, my brain yells at me that I shouldn't need anyone, I should be able to do fine/be happy completely alone cause each attachment is a threat to one's freedom and relying on anyone, even just one person, is a proof I'm not enough as being and I'm not self-sufficient enough. And you know, adults, responsible people, succesful people are not weak like that.
But it is a blessing that there's reason to my behaviour, that it is quite widely recognised. For the majority of my life I just considered myself crazy or rare but in this negative sense obviously. If it wasn't for my therapist telling me there's a name for the way my brain developed, I'd just keep on pretending I'm perfect as a person and I'm doing perfectly until I really couldn't and then I'd give myself up probably (to put it nicely) since couple of times I've already been so afraid of admitting I have a problem with something I'd rather "disappear" than tell people and watch their disappointed faces.

The anxiety one plus executive dysfunction. Yep, I don't recommend it.

I think I’m anxious and avoidant

Anxious styles can trigger avoidant. I am available for love, I’m not available for forced love.

After secure. The rest is all cluster b . In a nutshell. Bpd, npd fish market

Please stop leaving out Disorganized Attachment.

There's also the ambiguous attachment style. Psychologists tend to leave that one out for some reason.

Is there a reason you didn’t cover disorganized? Thanks for the insight on the other 3!

I drive ppl away with the suspension 😅

Actually its: secure, anxious, fearful avoidant and avoidant. 😊

Not looking good for my current relationship.
l'm anxious and he's avoidant.
Funny that this showed up in recommended because l'm pretty much done with sacrificing myself for someone who's become extremely distant lately.
Going off what lve seen on his facebook and the communication between us going from regular & consistent to sporadic and very aloof.
lm 98% certain he's got someone else on his line and 99.99% certain that l'm done.
We've been dating for 2 years now and feel as though l barely know him at all and have been so hyperfocused on his wellbeing that l don't know what l need for my own. Only thing l do know is that l can't maintain the bridge between and want to be met halfway.
Don't expect perfect just need present.

Hey, just want to remind the insecure attached people here, that you are able to change. There are many resources that can tell you how to form secure attachment step by step. I went from being disorganized attached as a teenager, to anxious attached early to mid twenties, and now (age 28) I'm at the first stage of being securely attached.

Aren’t there 4 attachment styles?

What's an "attachment"?

Has she been spying on me😢😮😅😊

I break it off constantly cuz the fear. I dont want to be hurt but i hurt myself by doing this.

What’s the style where you crave connection but fear rejection and act like you’re cool and not affected by anything but you actually are very anxious and feel ignored and every little validation lights up your heart in disguise? Is that avoidant?

No Contact Question: Am I breaking no contact if I open a text from him and it shows that I read it? I don't plan to respond but the parameters of our 6-month break and no contact are below.
1. I believe he's a fearful avoidant
2. We discussed our break and no contact before starting it.
3. We agreed to 6 months no contact - I have since learned that three months would have been a better start but I have not said anything to him.
4. We agreed to contact in an emergency and I agreed that I would be willing to talk to the therapist if the therapist wanted to talk to me.
5. It's already been a week and he has texted me this morning texted me this afternoon and has just tried to call me.

Start it as secure… believing that the person likes me just as much as I like them. The moment I feel unsafe.. I’ll become anxious. I try to combat this with communication, but if nothing improves…. I will transform into an avoidant…

There are 4 attachment styles. The 4th one being Disorganised aka Fearful/ Avoidant.

Love your explanations , simplified and easy to understand. Thanks so much!!❤❤❤

Have no time for drama

I feel better knowing there’s a term used to describe my attachment style. I’m definitely avoidant. It’s safer this way.

I'm anxious and avoidant. I only found this out when l got diagnosed with CPTSI. I now have no clue as to why I'm on the Earth.

Woohoo . I'm not fine 😅. Have been trying so wrong.