Anger and Complex Trauma - Part 10/11 - Unresolved Anger

nah cause without that calm down they cant stop to think it through

Told to sweep it under the rug, or put on your big girl pants

Toxic positivity ....I wish I had this term as a child. One parent was this, and the other was hysterical controlling, both were abusive, in their own way but also soooo wonderful in other ways, and so I "focused on their positive" and it led me to think only negative of myself. I'm amazed I'm alive right now actually. My family life causes a lot of heart break (literally, damage), and I went into a hectic, stressful management who was abusive, then I died at the hands of the healthcare system for which I worked, during the plandemic and I'm disabled now and hopefully not long term, but I was even getting abused while I was dying at home alone......I'm seriously surprised I'm alive in many ways and more ways than one. Glory to God but I can't say there aren't times I confess I regret survival - I'm still looking for supportive REAL people. I've always been "real" and never suppressed anger, but remained angry because no matter how much I expressed it, cried about it and prayed and screamed that I wanted the family to love me, stop gang style bulling me, it just got worse until I got a license, then was out of the house, reading, working, serving, traveling, outdoor activities, etc....I'm atypical because though I was either dismissed or further abused for asking for help because of abuse, I never suppressed but that also led me to two things: a) a very good lover of my patients, their families, my friends, enemies etc..attentive, sensitive, empathetic, b) I got so mad when those who claimed to care about me in my personal life, didn't. It as a very hard road and now I know why clearly, autoimmune disease and adverse childhood events are causatively linked. ep! Enough healthcare fail. They get NOT ONE speciality right. Not...one. Not a mistake. Parent A "Jennifer, let it gooooooo, STOP THAT, just StOP...THAT RIGHT NOW. Parent B, they were always united on the abuse, but then when the parent I wanted to bond with emotionally who was emotionally constipated, that parent would talk about me in third person in front of me with disdain and even said was going to kill me. No defense from the other parent, ,the dismissive one. Middle sibling smiled and laughed all the time hen it was happening, I pointed it out and abused for "making it up" as that sibling would take the smile off her face just in time. I mean really, really awful. This went on until I had to form a boundary for my health - I was literally dying from systemic organ failure at home but at my parents house since I needed help outside of myself physically, and when I moved back home I said if I don't create boundaries, and no it's not "hate" which is what I was accused of and I hate no one.....I love and just want to be loved..... I'd take my on life which I know as a Christian I can't. What a life story...amazing ho resilient we are, but also not surprising when dis-ease from dis-order, exists. Thank you for teaching and preaching, and SANE spirituality, with actual psychology. Spiritual abuse is definitely on the list of abuse in my life and I've had it with 'chuck people' too. You're great.thank you much and may God reward you Mr Tim Fletcher

I’ll be listening to this once a week thank you

Are those Ray Ban Carbon Fiber glasses? I think I have the same pair, just a different color. =-)

Interesting, IBS, everyone in my family has it, all trauma survivors.

Thank you for these videos. I think you are helping me more than my therapist.

So glad I've been learning my union with Christ and this new nature and now our job is just to keep renewing our mind to our true identity in him and that he puts his desires in our heart

I have had dreams of alligators 🐊 since a child. They have recently came back. I finally realized the issue that led me through poor relationships as well. I had suppressed my anger due to my parents not liking any expression of frustration. In Chinese medicine ( I am a practitioner) that anger attacks the lungs and you end up with emotional asthma and depression. You basically turn the anger into yourself. Your children need a place to express emotions without being scolded! … anyhow I needed up with a cold that turned into double bacterial pneumonia at 3 and had emotional based asthma and attacks until I discovered Chinese medicine and herbs. The alligator I was always terrified and it was always in dark waters but never got me or anyone. It was my own anger I have been afraid to express. To this day I’m not very open about myself to my parents. It feels suffocating and it can kill the joy. Exercising and meditation has been the answer for me in previous years. Vigorous exercise and outdoors ❤

I ate my anger. Been outweight my whole life.

IBS can also be caused by a currrent major emotional trauma

Thank you ❤ you are helping me understand 🤗

Being a pole dancer isn’t a big deal - you should spend some time in a strip club to see it’s just a game and doesn’t mean anything.

I was raised in a home where my father dominated. He had a lot of anger. He also sexually abused me and my sister. I fell into the pattern of marriages and partnerships being like my home life, even though I knew that was a thing. I recently left an 18 year relationship where he emotionally abused me daily. The first year together, I was diagnosed with asthma. 3 years in, MS. 4 years in, hypothyroidism, 5 years in, an autoimmune rash that took 5 biopsies and grand rounds to give it a name. 9 years in, endometriosis. 12 years in, psoriatic arthritis and fibromyalgia and IBS. I already had chronic migraine since childhood. Now 4 months away and I have not yet had the usually season uptick in pain. My heart rate and heart rate variability have improved. I finally am getting deep sleep (I had a sleep study done because I couldn't sleep). Even my dog is more chill. We are healing.

There is no God

So there's no cure. Thought so.

The lord of trash blesses my oppressors at my expense.

nonsense. the field of psychology has always been full of this kind of dysfunction. the guy needs to grow up and do the reading.

Is there any way to help someone with this? I am scared for them, but they are choosing to go down the dark path of non feeling more and more.

God is lived through your honest truthful authentic self being in the now💖

People created the idea of God. How can you counter that statement?

I just want my parents to acknowledge that I have feelings. I have stage four cancer and my mom abandoned me when she was supposed to take care of me four days after my first round of chemo. She couldn’t wait for me to get back to taking care of her fast enough. Anytime I have a simple boundary like asking her to respect my family, it’s like an active war in her eyes. I absolutely believe that I have cancer because I always had to be the perfect child – – perfect grades, very skinny, but with perfect skin, Ivy graduate, paid for my own wedding, graduate school. I started being her marriage counselor by the time I was ten and the only way that I could get any “love” was that an academic success.

Nice how if you're abused as a child you basically have zero possibility of living a good life. There is zero possibility of my doing so now, as I married the same thing, and I am just too f'ing tired to rebuild everything. Stuck with the garbage that drowned me. Im sure cancer or some other wonderful is just around the corner so there really isn't any point in doing anything, getting attached to anything. I'm tired of learning to trust anything only to have it blow up in my face. Friends or family, its all the same. People don't love you or care about you, they are all just using you. Especially men, they are ALWAYS just using you. I wish I had the courage to just end it.

Learning to connect… my therapist told me healing attachment issues was easy, just need healthy(ier) people to be in relationship… I believed her for years. Then I just got pissed and was like I don’t believe you anymore… these “healthy” people… you got a “healthy friend” rental service? Cause I can’t find them… lol… now I just isolate except for a few healthy close friends.

What is this book called please? Thank you

God says it’s okay to be angry but don’t use it as a reason to sin. Anger is only harmful if we let it dominate/abuse ourselves or others.

People should talk about childhood trauma as BAD PARENTING. Not as the problem of the one affected individual, but as the problem of BAD PARENTS. No one of us is traumatised because we decided so as newborns, toddlers, prescholers, etc.
THE CAUSE OF SUFFERING IS FAILURE OF PARENTS.

I hope reproduction will become higly regulated. I so fkng hate how dumb people can just fk and then the child has to suffer the consequences.

Interestingly enough, my background is what Tim stated and I was JUST diagnosed with breast cancer!!

People who say "It's in the past" are not just annoying, they are WRONG. Trapped, unresolved anger exists in the present.

This was great until the religious references because I recognise scholars / intellectual men wrote the bible BUT.... we simply do not know or could ever second guess that God, if God exists as its not proven, is responsible for leading us. And I now feel like throwing frogs at my ex husband. 😅 I do love Jesus... best revolutionary ever.

😮 this guy just FUCKING told me my EXACT FUCKING PREDICAMENT. FUUUUCCCKKK.

After living with a narcissist for 43 yrs , I was diagnosed with Scleroderma an auto immune disease caused by anxiety and stress .He was a narcissist , causing both mental and physical . We had four children together who witnessed and will never forget . I wish I had had the strength to leave him years ago .
For anyone out in this world today , be strong and have the courage and conviction to leave NOW otherwise you too could suffer for 40 odd years in this misery . We all deserve better AMEN

Damn.... This guy is explaining myself to me...... I never had a chance

Treat the amygdala… Reishi and other adaptogens help during the healing process. And by process I mean you pay for counseling for at least a month and you join the gym or exercise every freakin day in someway, and you journal or cry when you need to. You look up every single dream symbol yoi have and discuss it with yourself. And then when you have any moment or day of joy or laughter you feeed it by practicing gratitude WHEN you get a naturally good mood someone or something makes you laugh etc. don’t lose those moments of repairing the brain habit. Take Reishi every day at night or a little in day more at night if you get sleepy for 30 days it will open the pineal gland and reconnect heal the amygdala.. fight or flight trigger happy area. ❤ it is a process .. don’t give up during the ProCeSs. Get a hobby like puzzles or surfing or push ups find a HOBBy while you do this

Well well well.....

The way he talks seriously makes me angry

as a victim, we have looked down on the anger, which was the most prohibited in our lives.

Thus, it is not about forgiveness or letting go, it is the pay back that I have sacrificed as well.

I`m not talking about revenge towards the narcs, I`m talking about the things that I SHOULD have owned as mine, but I MUST give to them.

So, the decent anger is the core part of recovery. We can not be the tame children who are gonna PLEASE the whole world, we must change all the concepts towards the world, society, and human being itself as well as our own identities that I had made in the abuse.

I need a dog to tell me what love is 😂😭

Yep…I have MS…and I figured out the big attack’s came after highly stressful situations with family….

I have always struggled with anger , resentments, and unforgiveness. I have been working on it with a therapist and 12 step sponsor, and it is getting better. I was told that resentments only hurt you, not the wrongdoers. I had to write down my resentments and how they affected me to see the damage to motivate me to let go. I also had to write down my part in the resentments so I could see where i was in the wrong, make amends, change behaviors, build my character and reconcile relationships if appropriate. Obviously there are some situations you don't play a part like if you were abused. I really get into psychology and human behavior so I like to understand why people act how they do for example mental illness. It helps to have compassion on them and to wish them well. This is NOT justifying or condoning it just helps to understand, have compassion, and wish them well. Its also not good to get revenge, not only because of consequence but they will get their karma and there will be justice. If it motivates them to change and make amends be happy for them.

❤️

Thank you ❤

One of the best commentaries I've heard on understanding my internal emotional world !! Thank you so much Tim !! 🙏

Thank you Tim about telling us about God that is good and always loving and that He never changes his ways towards us no matter what. I grew up in a disfuncional catholic family and my mom introduced me to God who is punishing ,spiteful and loving only when I am acting certain way so I left church in a young age. Two years ago Jesus saved me and showed me how much he loves me and cares about me and I saw that He was always beside me in the worst of times.

Oh, how I wish I came across this ever-so important healing teaching when it first posted. I appreciate you Tim Fletcher for putting this information into the Universe & contributing to all of our healing that we are so desperate for. (Constant renewal of the mind.) God bless you & your work

Interesting. If I drop my mask who am I?? What is the mask?? Where am I?

I am almost 50 and I can say from my own experience, Tim knows what he's talking about, but especially in regards to how God guides us. Especially poignant is the point that we have to move our feet first, and then God can gently steer us as we go. I've also found that as we do as God instructs in the scriptures, we start to know God, understand Him, and as we persevere, we start to appreciate Him, and then we start to love Him, and our will is joyfully swallowed up in His will because we've discovered through many years of enduring faith that God really does know what He's talking about, and His ways really are the most exciting and joyful ways. Thanks Tim for your wise counsel!

This was great until it turned into a preaching session.