Dads NEVER get these questions Working mom GUILTVLOGMAS DAY 9

My husband was the provider, and I worked part time from home, but he now has a disability and can’t work, so I do, and he stays home. 😊 We’re in this together!

Although my 2 sons are grown you are a wealth of information for newly weds and new moms and dads. So glad you chose to do this topic on your video. I am sure you are informing some out there that need to know what you are saying and there are answers and help for them. Take care. You have that twinkle back in your eyes when you smile. It is so good to see you thriving again. See you soon!

Such a great video thank you!! Do you have any other of your vids to rec about your ppd experience? I had such bad ppd and didn't ask for help bc of so much shame (even tho me and my daughter are ND to some degree and so yea, of course it was harder lol)... 😅

Obviously, I know it's a very personal decision and also a financial one as well for a lot of women, but I will always encourage women to work outside the home and be intent on being financially independent and to never rely on a man for stability. If women have the ability to work, they should, not only to be able to provide for themselves in the event that something happens, but also their children. I can't tell you how many women I've known that chose to stay home instead of work and then were left by their husbands after years of being home and being unable to successfully join the work force again. Staying home and letting your skills go stale is a recipe for disaster for a lot of women. My daughter knows to look out for herself and to protect her own interests.

In all honesty, my mother worked her whole life and would leave me and my brother with different babysitters until we were old enough to be latchkey kids (8 and 5 - which seems wild to me now but it was the 80’s). My favorite day of the week was always Wednesdays because my mother always had that day off. She would pick us up from school, help us with homework and cook up a delicious dinner - just regular mother stuff and it was awesome. Now I’m the mom and also an RN. Honestly, I dream about being a stay at home mom. Yes, I make decent money and am grateful to have a decent paying job in this shitty economy but I’m tired physically, mentally, emotionally… and def feel guilty that I can’t always be there for class parties, school events, field trips etc. I barely have enough energy to help them with homework and we get fast food/take-out most nights. If you’re lucky enough to stay at home with your kids, please cherish it. You and your children are truly blessed.

Thanks for this video ❤

These conversations are so incredibly important. I’m a school speech-language pathologist and I’m pregnant with my second daughter. This seems to be the “tipping point” where I have seen a lot of people in education leave their careers. It’s really sad when most of us have more education than our husbands but are the ones expected to give up our careers. Thanks for shedding light on this important issue.

Were these questions meant to be geared towards mom questions? Like what?! We should never feel guilty for working or pursuing our dreams. I know at some point in the future I won't be able to work (disability issues), so I will hold onto this piece of me as long as i can!

Love love love your videos!! I’m a mama to three young girls ages 6, 2.5 and 1. I’m also a nurse and work balance life can be challenging, but I wouldn’t trade my job for the world. I’m super thankful that My husband helps me a ton with the girls and we’ve had an easy time dividing tasks among the household. We’re both hands on and I think our girls appreciate that we make time for them outside of our jobs❤

Thanks Jen, very interesting.❤️

You are spot on about looking for a different place of employment if the employer doesn’t value family life.

I worked 30 years for the federal govt and made a great salary. My husband helped a ton with the kids and also worked for the govt. he passed away 7 years ago, and our kids are grown. It’s been a blessing to have my own retirement, social security etc to rely on. Sure miss him! He was my partner in every way.

I love this and I’m proud of you for being so forthcoming about the challenges of being a Mom and building a career. You offer so much in all the areas of your life. I know it’s hard at times to leave the kids when traveling for work, but that’s much better than having to worry about how you’re going to feed your children or afford them a higher education…

We have 6 months paid mat leave here in NZ! How do women cope in the USA without that? 🥲 or have things changed since you had your babies?

I prefer to be home. I set my schedule, I set the family schedule. I have little to no stress. I have SAD (who doesn’t this time of year in cold climate).
I prefer to work for the benefit of the family unit rather than an employer who can terminate my employment without warning.

Jen ❤from Phoenix AZ.

Excellent video Jen

Excellent video Jen

I worked in the medical field for ten years after I got married. Once we started to have children I was a stay at home mom. Living off one salary was rough but we figured it out. I was delighted to be a stay at home mom. My oldest started Kindergarten so my youngest would go to my parents for a few hours so I could work part time while my daughter was in school. Once Kindergarten was over we decided to pull her out of school and start home schooling . OMG I loved it. Having the kids at home everyday and teaching them was just so rewarding. We gardened, cooked, cleaned, went shopping, took educational trips, did laundry together. I ended up nursing both of my children til they where 4 years old and we have such a close bond. When hubby came home from his long day at work it was Daddy time. Hubby and I both spent lots of time with the children until bed time. I cooked during the week and Hubby took over on the weekends. It worked for us. Occasionally my parents would take the kids on an overnight sleepover so Hubby and I could spend time alone. We went camping for a weekend every month with the kids at our parents country property. We are both retired, both the kids have great jobs and are always around.

I can’t tell you how fast I clicked on this video when I saw it on my feed! These are really important topics that need to be talked about more! It’s wild that men don’t get any of these questions like women do.

you are soo real! Thank you for sharing your journey and the bumps in the road as well as the rewards along the way.

Great video. Society holds mothers to much higher standards than fathers. Work like you don’t have kids, parent like you don’t have a job. Maintain your home to high standards, don’t feed your kids with ultra processed foods, look after your own body/hair/face…blah blah. I am married to a really decent human being but I know for a fact he never worries about or feels judged on any of the topics above, whereas I doubt a single day goes by where something or someone doesn’t directly or indirectly mention these topics.

May God bless all working mothers🌷

As someone from a country where the norm is at least a year of maternity leave (paid ofc, I think it’s like 90 or 80 procent of your normal wages), going back to work when your baby is so young sounds insane. I’m so sorry for you guys experiencing that

Oh my goodness! This is the best video ever!!! Such amazing advice. Thank you for making it. I wish I could have watched something like this when I first had kids.
A couple things I will add is that in handing off some of the parent responsibilities to your partner you are giving your partner the gift of bonding with the kids on a different level and having the kids benefit from the different parenting skills that your partner brings.
It is also great for my kids to see me working. It is sad to say but while I was a stay-at-home Mom they (even my partner) thought of me as lower skilled and with lower intelligence. When I went back to work they were almost shocked that I was doing a complex skill job. Ya, I went to University. Now my teenager brags to her friends that her Mom works with explosives and can make Meth 😂 (production chemist here).

They do screen for depression with a survey - at the obgyn appt and my baby’s appts!

I worked as a medical technologist in a hospital laboratory full time while raising two children who are 20 months apart. I must admit I was a little jealous of stay at home moms while I was juggling what they did in addition to holding down a full time job. Now that I’m retired I look back and wouldn’t have changed a thing. I had a career with an income that enabled our family to go on vacations and live in a nice subdivision and sustain us when my husband was laid off. Besides, I earned a college degree and didn’t want to waste that time and money I spent on it plus I loved my work. I gained lifelong friendships through my coworkers too.
My children also learned about having a good work ethic from both parents. They also learned that higher education is beneficial as my daughter is earning a second Masters degree to obtain her counseling and is a counselor for drug and alcohol addiction and my son is a software engineer. We were able to pay for their undergraduate degrees because I worked and they are very grateful.

I was a single mother at 18. I went back to work 2 weeks after delivering my daughter. My parents babysat, so I was very fortunate in that regard. I worked in our local hospital and eventually became an RN, which I was very proud of. Women need to be able to support themselves without a man. My husband of 44 years has always been supportive of my career.

I had a baby in April and in my experience, I was HEAVILY screened for PPD. Every appointment from 30 weeks on, I filled out a screener. Before I left the hospital, I received a long lecture about the signs, the day after discharge appointment in the breastfeeding clinic, I filled out a screener. I got a UTI from my catheter during delivery and went I went to take a UA, they gave me a screener. Every single pediatrician appointment, I get a screener as well as my daughter's pediatrician checking in on me. Every time I went to the breastfeeding clinic, the nurse would sit with me, while I fed baby and talk to me and ask questions and help me fill out a screener. I'm sure this is not universal and I know that I am BLESSED to have had this experience. I just hope that more people have the kind of providers that I did and that across the board, we do a better job to make sure moms are okay.

Do you, or anyone in the comments, have opinions or advice for WFH with a new baby? Too young for daycare and there's no availability anyway. Boss says ok, but dont know how to balance.

In 2007 I had 4 weeks of unpaid maternity leave and I can remember being thankful to have any time at all. Screenings to see if moms were okay? Nonexistent. Hormone fluctuations? We were clueless. I’m glad women are talking more about these things and really freaking proud of us and especially past generations who made it through in the dark.

I was a sahm for 12 years and I feel very lucky to have been able to do that but as the kids have gotten older and need more we decided it was time for me to go back to work. I work fully remote so I’m here when they get off the bus so it’s the best of both worlds. Having done both I can see the benefits and negatives of both and I’m always acutely aware of how difficult it is for women to “have it all”. That still doesn’t exist for women the way it does for men . My husband has been able to push and progress in his career and mine is only starting at 36!

As a fulltime working mom myself it is so relieving to hear, that you don't have to feel guilty. Amen! Whenever I explain my NOs to picking up the kids earlier from daycare because they have not enough caretakers, everybody understands the fact, that I can't compete with the part-time moms and they prioritise accordingly their staff resources to those who need it the most. "No, sorry, I have to work" is all it takes to feel relieved. As you I'm proud to have chosen a career AND kids. Thank you for your encouragement. Greetings from Germany.

My daughter is almost 21 and I have done all from working 10 hs when she was 4 weeks old with no time to even pump. To 12 hours shift waitressing to stay at home mom for about 3 years to then part time work for 12 years. I can say that for me, part-time work was the best. I got to enjoy motherhood, take care of the house (husband did a lot too but he was out of the house for at least 10 a day) and feel like I still was helping with the economy of the house. But it definitely affects your ss, 401k etc. But my daughter was little only once, and motherhood for me was the area that I wanted to put more time into, and I am glad I did.

I respect every woman's choice. I have chosen to keep my career because I believe, and want my children of both genders to understand, that financial dependency is one of the strongest forms of bondage and oppression. Plus it feels so damn good to be a professional badass, and women are entitled to that feeling just as much as men are, children or no children!

❤❤❤This. I am from Canada, my daughter is now 19. I was on maternity leave for over a year, fully paid for most of it. Then my daughter went to an amazing daycare at my husband’s place of work, at $7/day. We were lucky. (Though we do pay very high taxes) While it was difficult for me to leave her and go back to work, there was never any doubt in my mind- to show my daughter that a women’s career is just as important as a man’s, and, to NEVER be dependant on anyone. Had I had a son, I would have wanted to teach him exactly the same thing. My husband and I are still together and love each other very much. But. I am independant and will always be able to take care of myself. And I love my job. And my family. Both things can be true. Thank you Jen.❤

In my business, we call it the three Ds: divorce, death, disability. EVERY woman faces these risks with EVERY marriage. To think otherwise, means one lives in a fantasy world. Truth is, in the USA, women are mostly in charge of the day-to-day administration of the family. You know, the who goes where with what part. My husband was an excellent parent but I told him when he was due to pick our daughter up and where to bring her next. He NEVER scheduled a doctor appointment for her or found a tutor or a music teacher for her. I was in charge of all of that. He never worried about what to feed anyone for any meal, nor did he think about what anyone would wear! I was so fortunate to live in a small town and had excellent paid daycare. We did take turns with nights based on who had worst day next and we never argued over that. I had no guilt over going back to work. I was again fortunate to work self employed and was able to do the fairs, events, awards, etc., for her, but I stopped at one child. Also I suffered with postpartum for 2 years, and finally asked my doctor for help, which he provided immediately and which worked. Interesting video, TFS!

Is it sexist to consider mothering a high calling? There is an innate difference between moms and dads-we can’t replace each other. We grow babies inside us , nurse them, they want us- it’s nature.

Well said, my dear.

Nothing made me want to work MORE than having kids! It saved me from sitting at home dwelling on my postpartum anxiety, gave me a reason to get up and get dolled up for work and feel good about myself. I also wanted nothing more than to bring in more and more income when I had my kids to provide the most possible for them. Staying at home was never something that appealed to me personally.

Thank you for sharing with us I have been loving your Vlogmas 😊

I thought what you said about you prioritizing your job over family is spot on but I think prioritizing family over work can go beyond your own kids. I've taken time off of work to see my niece play softball. My employer knows how much my nieces mean to me, and they don't question what I do with my PTO. They also know how much my nieces love seeing my husband & me at their games. I guess I'm lucky in that regard.

Very good advice! I have major regrets for not taking more time off with my kids when they were little. I was very loyal to my workplace. I had no idea what the hell I was doing and would do things totally different if I could do it over again.

Hoping that people take your advice and not have regrets like I do it’s just not worth it 😢

I am a public school second-grade teacher in the state of Maryland; who has not had children yet because I’m trying to save enough days to be able to be off and be with my child because we do not have paid maternity leave.

I am a public school second-grade teacher in the state of Maryland; who has not had children yet because I’m trying to save enough days to be able to be off and be with my child because we do not have paid maternity leave.

You spoke a lot of thoughts that I have had too! Like how in the beginning you pulled more of the load of child care (like you being the primary to get up in the night even though you both had to get up and work).

My husband and I have had these similar talks (she's 11 now) and it's so funny to hear him say that he thought I loved those times because I would jump up and do it. He didn't realize what a toll it was taking.

Over the years, he and I have become much better advocates for ourselves... But it's crazy how I just assumed this role that I was miserable at... Things are so much better now!!