CPTSD: Are You So DEFENDED You Can't CONNECT With People? (Resilience Series #6)

Wow! My loneliness comes from a constant state of feeling unsafe. I feel there are too many untrustworthy people and the negativity of news and other media only seems to enhance those feelings. I try to control my triggers by not getting too consumed in these things. Recently, a relative took advantage of his elderly mother by adding himself to his mom’s personal bank accounts, making himself executor to her assets upon death, telling her the paperwork she was signing equally distributed her assets amongst their heirs without providing her copies of her signed documentation. I was emotionally distressed for my relative. I have had difficulty getting over unsafe feelings and was reminded of how unsafe I always felt as a child when my uncle used to molest me. How unsafe I felt at home because of my mother and father’s unpredictable temper and the physical and emotional bullying my sister and I experienced by my brother which my mother ignored. My family is here visiting from out of state this weekend and I’m dreading their visit. I lost a patch of hair. I’m desperate to overcome these feelings and have inner peace. I know only I have control and responsibility over my feelings but I’m so tired of feeling helpless and unsafe. I’m so sad and isolated inside.

Check the book “the untethered soul”. Life saving

My favourite video! 🧡🧡🧡

I have people telling me to make changes in my life well I'm so tired and strung out I can barely put together coherent thoughts and plans. I am trying to tell them I am running on fumes...

Am I crazy? With all the inner work I have done. It seems like others are clueless at times they have issues too. I can't tell you how many meetings I've sat in where it's a literal bitch session on this that and the other. I've gone to lunch with my group and other co workers. Same thing. Can't stop talking about their problems. From work, men and the inability to lose that last ten pounds. I don't want to be around others who seem to just complain. I am a doer. I've never had anyone go to bat for me. It feels weird to be around a bunch of people that are waiting for a savior, because they don't seem to be proactive about anything but binge watching tv.

You bet Iam, and I'm gonna remain this way, it works for me to keep the wolf's away! There's much to defend ourselves from in these days!

I've come to find what I wanted in life and afterwards I was like what do I do with this now so now I don't care about interacting at all also because I've been so hurt that connecting with people can be painful because of this

as someone with PTSD the best advice I ever got was in the situation when I had just got custody of my daughter and her birthmother was having a very hard time and threatening to get her back: "open your heart" (best caseworker in the world). I sighed, was brave and met and hugged and consoled birthmom and it was the best thing I EVER did because I could litteraly feel her worries fly away. Stand up to the fears in your head, be brave and open your heart and I swear ♥️ will jump in.

Every video, is one small step to healing.

Thanks ❤️ finally i knew why am I like this

This is exactly me im shocked

I just love you and the work you teach us to do. I really believe Christ lead me to you because limerence and cptsd knowledge has changed my life. Thank you!

I don't think I've ever felt a true connection to anyone, spent 20 years basically trapped and the intervening 11 years totally unable to make any lasting friendships, I feel more alone around others than I do alone and they make sure to let me know that me being anxious in public is offensive to them and their beautiful city I'm somehow ruining simply by being scared of the world

How can i have love, if i had never received it? What does it feel like? How can i experience something i was never taught or felt?

I had to walk away when I realized how different they were on core levels. I agree not productive to argue and get triggered towards them.

Thank you very much for that video Anna. I do get triggered so easily, even when people try to be nice. It's OK with shop assistants (I met 3 super helpful ones today, while hunting - in vain - for replacement poles for the tent I live in. My tent was vandalised), it's much more difficult with people you meet on a regular, and sometimes daily basis, and who cannot avoid, like landlords, housemates or colleagues. It's really difficult when people try to extort information about your childhood: once you've told them about it, you cannot erase it from their mind, and it does alter the way they view you. I end up lying, just to make them happy and feel reassured that I am willing to 'share' with them. All those personal questions are still triggering though and energy draining.

I am not trying to be a negative Nancy, but I am getting totally honest when I say that I don't expect people to be the same as me to keep my from getting triggered. I'm sick and tried of people hating on me because I am not like them, or even worse, the people I never even persued came after me, acted like a friend and then literally started trying to abuse me, and then slandered me once I said no. I'm over people telling me I should love and compromise and accept. I do! I just want the same in return, and I'm not setting until I get it.

👍

I mostly feel like I have nothing to offer people. Why would they want to spend time with me.

I just can't believe how much more confident i am feeling, it's like a wave washing my soul clean! Each step is another wave. I'm so relieved to just be able to be myself more and more❤

Check the issue of alienation due to specialization and industrialization, leading to loneliness. It is imposed on all of us by necessity of economic development and organization due to civilization, especially in a highly competitive society.

Truth is 95% of people are two faced. Also, I lost so many so called close friends when I finally told them about my childhood abuse. They gradually distanced themselves from me till they were all gone. I just have my dog now. I have no one. I can't believe i thought sharing my traumas would gain me more support and understanding. But people can't be bothered with friends with mental health issues.

This is fine in a world where people aren't tied into tbe general world around you. You think i didn't try to love for my whole life? Loving a person who is not even percieving that love is a joke of an existance. Best is to not give a shit and be ambivilent

Everybody is not everybody's cup of tea....there are just people and situations that are never going to be to your liking. When you realize that, you just do! People can do and be whatever they want, but at all times you have a choice in regards to what you allow in life. Im totally defended after dealing with people who were overly curious, aggressive about forming personal connections, and a community of mistrustful people who basically forced boundary-less living on me. Wanting them to accept blame for their actions damn near drove me crazy until I realized they never would. It's been a humiliating experience because I enjoy being alone and believe that dealing with others is a choice.

My trust was broken by my groups of “best friends” in middle school. My trust was shattered. I have never trusted others on a deep level again. I keep people far or I’m too invested too quickly. Then I want them far away. Or I end things in some way because I’m more comfortable not having them close. I would like to have people I could trust but it’s hard

I feel so deeply lonely, I do have social contacts and do visits and get out, but do I feel connected not at all feelso strange like I am notefen there, afterwards I feel it did not even happen ornery sad that it is as hollow as feels, just hollowness empty no connection......extremely hopeless

I haven't made a friend in 10 years.....havent loved anyone ever in my life... except my kids

I really don't want the company of others. Being alone with God (Jesus Christ) is not being alone. nowadays , I have very low expectations that I will have a meaningful meaningful relationships with others.❤

I haven’t been intimate with my husband for over four years.. hes not interested in spending time with me and stays indoors on his sodding laptop night after night after night.. doesn’t even look up at me.. He starts fights over nothing.. He said” YOU MADE ME BELIEVE YOU WHERE SOMETHING YOU Wasn’t WHEN I MET YOU! So now I’ve pushed him away.. I’m lonely. He won’t move out and I sleep in s small corner of the house.. But others are showing interest in me. Fill I need to move on and get on with my life.. But I push interests away before going back to the corner of the house to sleep.. I don’t invest in people but will enjoy there company knowing I get to walk away.. My husband has destroyed us through Ranting and bullying.. narcissistic behaviour.. takes pictures of my body to shame me.. starts fights just to get reactions... Would it be wrong of me to find someone else while married to this

I mentally take myself out of connecting while I'm doing it. I think things like what the other person is thinking, or I compare myself to them and bc I feel that they are better than me I back off. It's so stupid and it's destroying my relationships :(

Thank you ❤

I just don’t feel connected to anyone, even if we have a year long relationship, if they suddenly just left I wouldn’t care. I get annoyed when people try to be silly or have the smallest flaw, I just don’t care enough about anyone

I love this lady. She doesn’t ever talk down or be condescending to the audience

It’s not that people don’t fit with me rather I don’t fit anywhere with hardly anyone.
I’ve worked hard at increasing said love trying to make good faith connections being objective and neutral and really nothing in life has opened up

The “wonder” or new people <

It’s overwhelming and exhausting to try to build friendships

im always really accepting of people and their "flaws" I understand and always tell myself that everyones different and I accept them how they are but I still feel so disconnected from others and myself I feel disconnected from literally everything im gonna be 19 soon I finished school and I should probably start working but, I can't even imagine living a normal life, working everyday for 8 hours. I have been struggling with going to school my whole life it drained me emotionally and now thinking that im supposed to go to work makes me sick. everything makes me feel sick. I really really hope one day im gonna be able to function like a normal person.

I have no love for people.

Most of the time what you're not looking for is a connection. Its a relief from FOMO. you're not going to CONNECT to another person, that's a myth. You'll connect to the projection of that person you make in your own mind. You're just grafting that onto person and pretending it real.

This is definitely me. However, some of mine is from childhood but much of it is a result of being groomed by someone in a church environment(leader) who ended up being narcissistic and destroyed the friendships I had made in that church. How do I even begin to wanting to connect with people again? I feel betrayed, preyed upon and manipulated so it’s hard not to automatically look for dishonesty or manipulation when interacting with someone. Especially in a group
environment like a church where a leader can create whatever atmosphere they choose.

This channel always gives me so much relief when I'm deep in the throes of an anxious depressive episode. I just wanted to thank you for that.

I made an online friend but she got offended by some of my message and it wasn't my intention to hurt her ..im struggling with communication and i feel like im being misinterpreted and i dont know how to communicate well with people. I overshare stuff always even though i tell myself to not.. it's become quite hard to maintain relationships and i dont know what to do.

I am not ab levto connect with any type of relationship, even with my own children. I was a ward of the state by age10. I don't have any roots,very little support from my family. I ended up being a sex worker and an active addict for over 30 years. I still get a lot of attention from men, but as soon as they want more than to get a cup of coffee,I'm off and running.

Hey Fairy, im confused. Love doesnt happen for everyone. Not everyone experiences that luxury in life. Why are we programmed as people by society to want love? Is it ok not to want it? Is it ok to become comfortable with the absence of love? I dont understand why to fight so hard for something that may not happen?

I just don't feel like people make my life better. They've only made it worse.

I’ve grown to only feel okay in isolation It’s my safe space I go back-and-forth from wanting extreme control over every single aspect of my life to really not caring at all about anything and also I’ve noticed and people have told me that I think of every possible scenario that could happen in certain situations and people have told me I never even thought of that but my brain forces me to see it it’s like my brain plays through every scenario that could happen and then I am hyper focused on preventing those things that never even happened from happening or being hyper vigilant too. I’ve been stuck in hyper vigilance for long time convincing myself that it’s better that way that I’m safer that way that I’m actually more aware when in that state but actually it’s just draining to be in at 24 seven

I give love when I feel love . I don't play love . Ectually if I hurt anyone it's often from stress ,problems , worries , hurt , or if I feel I am treated unfairly , unjustly & there are many more reasons . I do feel sometimes if I give love it does reduce the other person's anxieties it does many more good things .I can feel it . Yet I am still sometimes inconsiderate , overly critical basing it on very little facts to none . So I still work to do . I also look for other qualities in a relationship like wisdom as Professor Jordan Peterson defines it .

This is just your angle from what happened to you.

The funny thing about loneliness, is all the people who claim to care don't really care. Just wish I could learn to not care about people

I walked off the job because I was so triggered at how someone spoke to me. my mantra has become “you teach people how to treat you by what you allow/accept/stick around for” flight response always kicks in. if I detect a hint of disrespect, my soul says “oh honey!!hell no!” I don’t know any alternative. what can I do instead?