The Obsession with Being Unique

I have no idea when your essay here was recommended to me, but for me, this was perfect for the moment. I'm neurodivergent and after I got a diagnosis, I noticed a lot of people my age (40) and up said to me, "don't let it define you." I interpreted this as a warning to not let it limit me (it doesn't, it actually frees me) and it also seems like the person is worried about my retaining my uniqueness. Actually, it's helped me build community. I wanted to delve into this as it also feels like a very western concept.

I'm currently making my way through your channel, and I love this video essay. It's a pattern I noticed on tik tok but couldn't quite place my finger on it. But it's totally the "I'm not like the other beauty standards" lmao. But alternate beauty standards are still beauty standards.

idk how i got here from 4chan, but i like your videos. my new favorite socially active black queen.

Love the video and excited to see your channel growing❣️

You asked for comments at the end of the video and so I started typing one, but it got out of hand, so it became an email instead 😅

Society's obsession with being "different" and "unique" is disturbing and annoying as fuck

Wow, I am so glad I'm not on TikTok.

I love this video. I am very liberal but have so many problems with “left” people. (I have more with right people as well but like you said, that’s pretty easy to point out). A lot of these problems are these people are chronically online and aren’t talking to actual people in real life, especially the communities they are yelling over that they think they are protecting. Things like the term “differently abled” comes from this phenomenon

There are 8 b people.
If you choose something there is 1 to 2 chance somebody else will.
And it grows exponentianally.
2^33 is bigger than 8 billion.
That means If you make only 33 chooice of 2s durring your life you are unique.

Amber Heard definitely wasn’t a natural beauty. She had a lot done to her face and lost tons of weight.

I feel like tiktok has made a community of unique people and due to peoples' need to fit in but also stand out, they commodofy a specific trait. On an otherwise normal face we're conditioned to see as 5+/10, but with something else so they can fit in while standing out. It's always something ive hated because it's a mold that i could possibly fit. Im conventionally conventional but with vitiligo and a scar that runs down my face, splitting my eyebrow and highlighting my cheekbone. I got that scar when i was 9 and vitiligo when i was 12. Ever since, while there has been no bullies, there were so many people who would be like "wow its such a shame, you'd be so handsome otherwise" or "You're so brave" and my favorite "oh there's treatments for both". It's tiring and ever since tiktok these comments have spirals. Went from having the occasional aunt cousin or friend commenting to random fucking people at the store. Like yes Susan i know there's lazer treatments but im in college and things aren't cheap. Not even going to start on the comments from high school swim team. People need to realize being average isn't bad.

first... how dare you! It's Ryan Renoylds... he is on my bucket list of things to do before I die.
Second
It is a good topic that of the beauty obsessions. I am for the current ongoing viewpoint (well since the last time I kept up with papers along those lines) that the genetic driver for alpha mating in pack/communal groups is the primary driver for these actions. Humans tend to warp and distort these evolutionary drivers that have kept our species alive due to our ability to have the out of the box thinking. Though I am not sure if you would agree but the distortion of that alpha driver is within society what individuals/communities see as attractive (except for Ryan Renoylds, he is just sexy). It isn't a nominal metric. It is varied via community necessity and survival necessity. In Africa a society exist that supports and enforces large women only. Women that are thin or even what is considered overweight in western societies are thought of as ugly. The larger a woman is the more attractive and desirable. As you are aware of these regional and communal variations are becoming less common. With the growth of internet access and social media a growing standard has begun to permeate the cultural standard of most societies that can access these sites and information dissemenation sources.

I have long pushed for my kids to have beauty standards that were more cognitive based, ie they seek the individuals value that exists beyond the normal beauty standards. The left as you point out are critically hamstringed by these desires to experience and advocate for the exceptions instead of the normative while normative individuals are in the same groups held up via statistics as the optimum state of attractiveness.

Personally, I have seen both sides restrain or work to disregard the necessities and rights of individuals and marginalized groups that do not fit within their personalized metric of and ideal behavior. The right attacks lgbtq and illegal immigrants (currently trans people) as the boogie man as a scape goat for any failures in modern society they are uncomfortable with taking responsibility for. The left perform the same reactionary activities towards groups such as father's for justice or individuals whose goal is to protect those commonally dismissed as requiring no protections like movie stars. These massive waves of hate that are formed by either side show that these behaviors are not individualized to a specific political spectre but are a commonality among groupthink models within human typical functions where a typical herd reaction is more commonally accepted than individual analysis.

My friend has those! I always thought she was cute when she smiled. But WE ALL ARE! Love to everyone.

Calling them average is giving them too much credit. They are attractive for wp and that’s it.

I just came across your channel recently and every single topic has led me to come away with some added insight, nuance, or perspective shift on topics I loooove hearing more discussions about, am passionate or curious about. Thanks for creating such insightful, thoughtful, well researched and empathetic content. You’re an absolute gem and a new fave!

The topic of left wing alienation is definitely something i think about often.

It feels like the left has its own form of purity culture. Once you have sinned or been perceived as impure you lose all credibility and value in the eyes of the left. Just like in religious purity culture it is very dehumanizing. Any manner of awful treatment is now justified and there is very little redemption offered.

Its just not a sustainable mentality and destructive to the movement and the people in it.

I'm Gen X, so .. I'm old haha
Growing up, I hated the mainstream music, fashion, television etc. so I rebelled. Shaved some of my hair off, dyed it, styled it all away from the 'cheerleader norm'. Thick black eyeliner & lipstick. Man I thought I was cool to be so far away from mainstream hahaa Then I saw my look becoming mainstream.. ahh f*ck. I saw being a part of the mainstream as something bad, not unique, giving in and selling out. I still do tbh.

I like to do my own thing still and can't stand those who jump on the bandwagon of 'popular'. It's just gross to me. I can see the consumerism and capitalism behind these trends and it makes me ill to think so many people are being taken advantage of for some old white guys' fat wallet to get fatter. It floors me that it seems so many don't see it.

Also, just want to let you know I really appreciate your thoughtful videos. Well done!

I’m a masshole too

Why are people simping for White conservative women? They would happily tear you down.

They made so many good points in this video, but I have a feeling they're one of those people that identifies as politically neutral. There's obviously nothing wrong with that in theory, but the reality is so many centrists and politically neutral people get sucked into right wing mindsets so easily. I honestly can't subscribe to these people because I'm just dreading the moment they pull a kidology and drop a poorly researched video critiquing "leftists," when the thing they're actually critiquing is right wing misinformation about the left, or chronically online leftists who's ideas don't translate into the real world or have much impact on our community. That's how you get things like kidology saying we need to stop focusing on trans liberation because it's a "minor issue" while people are attempting to carry out a genocide against us, and it breaks my heart everytime. There's so much criticism you can make about the left, but it needs to be made by people who truly understand the community's issues, and 99% of the time, it will be members of the communities, not centrists or neutrals who view it from a distance. That being said, they made some good critiques in this video! But most of them only apply to people who are like, just left of the center. I can't imagine anyone further left than that saying blaire white should detransition for her transphobia, but I have seen people giving reminders not to be transphobic because someone's a bad person coming from people on the far left.

cheerleader effect, some leftists want to feel virtuous rather than think deeply or agree on anything

Stop it right now I seriously remember this girl being mad at my sister for having the same elf blush as her yes the cheap one you can find at every single Walmart, CVs, Walgreens you name it. 1 this girl was pale and my sister is dark skinned you aren't going to look the same in it everyone rocks different things differently it was weird

It’s crazy to think about all the ways we’re simply repeating historical patterns of human behavior that we now find abhorrent & try to distance ourselves from- our behaviors haven’t changed, the appearances have, the methodology has.

"Just because something is a natural human response doesn't mean it can't be challenged or corrected." Completely agree. 👏

thank you for using amber in a way that isn't promoting lies about her ! rare to see these days, just a casual mention :-/

OKAY TJE POINT ABOUT RYAN RENOLDS!!!!!! and that whole theme…yes

Bruh i gotta be honest, watching this video as a non native english speaker was quite the challenge 😅 you're using many big words back to back lol.. was pretty hard for me to follow along 🤣🙈 you're also speaking so quickly.. man i really came to my limits here 🤣 still very interesting video, keep them coming 👍 greetings from germany 🇩🇪

I think this is my first time watching your vids... Haven't finished yet but wanted to say I'm digging your collection of items behind you.

I just think that there's an extremely strong urge to almost virtue signal in order to get "likes" and shares which feeds the dopamine people get from the attention. A good way to do that since social media exploded is to go against any type of conventional/"traditional"/"normal" standard, of any kind. It wasn't this bad during MySpace but after Facebook and Twitter started and now Tiktok, it's insane.
"I'm different, congratulate me."
"Omg you're so brave and beautiful (especially if you're not traditionally considered that)."

Okay sis, I randomly found you again. I listen 👂 to the Gen Z and y’all’s video essays. You are on the up and up okay okay insightful and inspiring keep up the work.

When you got to online left part. I truly understand you. I just want to point something out it is not irrational. There something practical, this does not discount the psychological or other reason, as you said human being are complex. But I want to caution against I thinking that Blare white and Candice jones are irrational. They might rational material reason behind their actions too. But yeah be critical of idea but never dehumanize anyone.

Only like ten minutes in but have to thank you for mentioning that some Bostonians hide the level of accent and it comes out when drunk lmao. I don’t have an accent like 85% of the time but sometimes it’s soooo there and people can pick it out so quickly lol. I didn’t know I had one until I moved away from mass

ur so underateddd, u got a new sub 🤩

I have a feeling we might not align much politically, but I also have a feeling that we could have a rational and polite conversation without devolving into the crazy extremism seen so much online. I appreciate the thought you put into this video.

I loves the Shanspeare shout-out!

I'm a 37 yo white lady who tends to vote liberal, but this swing to brutally rigid black and white thinking and guilt by any association no matter how small the left has fallen into is really disturbing to me.

I'll just stick to connecting more with my neighbors and volunteering in my local community; online activism is just an excuse to hurt others it seems.

I’m pretty sure someone deep dived into McKayla's(? Earlier videos and she doesn’t have that accent lol

i loved your video! your argument is amazing.

great fucking video

I was ignoring Blaire White until she came for a non-binary athlete and totally threw that person under the bus with lies. Then I blocked her. I would love to know more about her but she makes my tummy upset. She does deserve to be protected as a trans women even though she’s a big bully

UGH! people doubting someone's trans because of their beliefs. the amount of times this has happened to me. WHILE I am actively discussing being trans. the cis have absolutely taken over us. we have no voice anymore. you'd be extremely hard pressed to find any information about transsexualism from an actual transsexual, and when you do, it will be flooded with comments from cis people saying that they are being transphobic. toward themself. yes.

I never bought into any of this nonsense and often I wonder if the reason everyone ignores me is because I don't conform to all this stuff. Social laws are no longer just about how you speak or emote. You have to dress a certain way too to be considered a real human being.

Yeah I feel you. Human minds prefer categories, but that can't act as an excuse for a profound lack of empathy for large swaths of people. Personally I subscribe to the "irl is a lie to protect us and everything is real life" school of thought-- removing barriers between "the real world" and the online space forces you to see everyone online as a real live breathing human being and at least for me forces me to access a lot more grace and patience for what otherwise might just be a name on a screen.

I was thinking the exact same thing. Beauty feels meaningless now, like everyone can be " pretty" because there are a million ways now to look " pretty "and everyone looks like Sims made by the same Amateur person

Great video. “The way you’ll see other people as people and not concepts” hit hard. I learn more from people and experiences above anything else.

The thing I get the most angry abt with politics is that there is no room for sympathy. No room for nuance or context. Its just good or bad and it doesnt really matter if you try to "do better". Name one person who would respond to being called a bigot moron in a positive way. Hate doesnt inspire change

I think one of the reasons is people crave human interactions and collerate looks with personality.

If you want to make friends you don't want to be a boring person because why would anyone want to hang out with someone who bores them? and so to show people that they are worth being friends with and showcase their personality we put alot of effort into controlling how we are perceived.

If you are seen as just copying trends and your clothes say nothing about who you, this can be taken as you have nothing interesting about you and not worth engaging with.