Sister-In-Law Won't Parent Her Bratty Son And Now She's Furious I Refuse To Babysit Him

the kid on the farm - a lot of people don't understand that scene in the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy falls into a pig pen and everyone freaks out. A lot of people think it's because she fell or she'll get dirty. It's NOT. it is because pigs will eat ANYTHING. It is fast and it is vicious. I lived on a pig farm for awhile. We lost a cat to the pigs after it fell off the fence into the pen. It lasted about 20 seconds. Fur flying everywhere. There was nothing left. Poor kitty :( Now imagine that with a child who wants to climb everything and won't listen to "no".

The fact that SIL doesn't even pay OP for childcare and expects it to be free just shows that she's training her son to act as selfish and entitled, not because its easier to give in, but because she herself expects everyone else to bend over backwards to cater to her without her giving anything else in return. Good thing OPs mom is not going to be a doormat and demand payment. How SIL will react will be very revealing to everyone how entitled she actually is

I have seen some of my family members, where both parents have to work, fall into the kind of parenting OPs SIL and BIL are doing. A lot of times it's mostly because they feel guilty for having to leave their child for several hours throughout the day, and they only get a few hours at night to spend with the kids. So out of guilt, they want to give the child whatever they want. This parenting does not make it easier and better for the kids, it only helps the parent not feel so bad. This parenting does nothing but hurt the child.

the gym story - this is so much better than the similar story from the other day where the husband was uncomfortable and the wife was encouraging "haley"'''s online drama.

The gym story is hilarious. It wasn't even the girl making the comments 🤣

Love how the idiots only focused on the sharing part. Sharing is apart of playing. Leave the toys home you don’t want to share. Like OP said, but not sharing causes problems with kids especially when they start school.

The forced sharing thing is some bs imo but it is her home so her rules. Everything else is on the money and OP is perhaps being too graceful. I would go crazy if some kid starting throwing food in my house and encouraging my child to disobey me right in front of me.

My wife worked as a day care operation. Bratty kids' parents would be given one week notice, Then out.
Sorry, but my house, my rules. SIL is SOL.
Why did OP put up with this for so long.
OP is NOT the AH.
Any family member who backs up SIL is an AH, too. Bless OP's MIL.

Op or hubby should have commented under the pinned pictures. I’d hate being at a gym that let ppl film like that.

Poor kid (and parents) will have a rude awakening when he starts school. The school will not tolerate melt down tantrums, parents will be told to come and pick him up. They'll soon get tired of
that. A paid care facility won't tolerate him and tell parents "He's not a goof fit, bye".

story 1: OP shouldn't be surprised if they wake up one morning and find the child on their doorstep, with no parents in sight. They probably believe that OP will just suck it up and do as they are told(watch the kid). They surely don't believe for a second that OP would call the police or child welfare. I would definitely call. The kid is rude, disrespectful, and out of control. I suspect it's that no daycare will take him, that is the real reason they are trying to force him on OP.

Story 1: NTA. Dear parents. The world doesn’t give a crap how you choose to parent your kid, they still have to live in it. If you’re fine with your kid becoming a brat then fine, but the world won’t stand for that.

Children shouldn't be forced to share. Children need to learn that its okay to say no. Children need to set boundaries.
As for the issues with the nephew stop watching him. They aren't paying OP. Farms are dangerous place for children. NTA

Nah, that little so and so would never, NEVER, come back to my home again. He IS a bad kid because his parents haven't taught him to be better. Permissive parents aren't new, they're lazy.

They had plenty of time to either correct their parenting (and thus, their child), or to find other arrangements for little Damien.

I raised four kids in the same way that OP has. I had very specific rules about sharing because with four kids of course your going to need to learn to share. Also, they learned that even though pushing some boundaries are not only expected but are necessary there were some that would not be tolerated in our home and there would be a price to pay like lost privileges or a time out. Also, as my kids got older sometimes they were given an extra chore or two like folding the laundry or scrubbing the bathroom. They weren't given truly terrible things or beaten or yelled at but they were given consequences unlike this OP's nephew and that is a problem. Children that are given everything they want and never expected to do anything to earn rewards or obey rules never learn self-control, respect for others or even humility. These are vital lessons that are sadly lacking in a lot of people these days and it's reflected in the way they treat others as well as their work ethic in the job market. A lot of adults raised with these character flaws are being hired for positions because they are supposed to be qualified but they will only perform about half of what's on the job description and then ignore the rest. Then they act surprised or outraged when they eventually get fired. As parents we need to do better by our kids.

Filming in business owned gyms should be illegal.

story 1: SiL sounds like a covert narcissist/enabler raising her kid to be spoiled on purpose or a more charitable "raising my kid to not be taken advantage of" concept, which is still very flawed.

1) Watching someone else's child is not an obligation, especially when done gratis and not as a job with a contract, and considering what is happened and the problem this is causing for OP and her child it is reasonable to say no more to this arrangement. OP is right, her home, her rules. Good for OP giving the mom a warning, and then enforcing what she said would happen. NTA. They are raising a monster who won't take no for an answer, be respectful, or follow rules.
(I did a lot of babysitting in my neighborhood from the time I was only 9yrs old myself and I always made the kids mind me and behave. A member of my family told me I couldn't do that and set ruled their own parents didn't enforce, but I said, "While I'm watching them they will behave as I feel is right or they can get a different babysitter." All the kids loved me, even when they were adults if they spotted me when I would come home to visit my parents and would happily greet me. Discipline and teaching appropriate behavior is not abuse.)
After update: Good for OP for getting support from strangers and sticking to her boundaries.
2) I think it should be against the rules to film someone else in a gym. This behavior is disrespectful and inappropriate. OP should speak to her husband and ask he set boundaries about not wanting to be filmed and posted and hope he looks at it the same way. If she doesn't stop he should take the issue to the management.
After update: It's good OP talked to her husband and this situation has been sorted.

that nephew in story 1 is what happens when spiteful Mean Girls raise kids.

Send them a bunch of parenting books!

This is a recycled old story.

My daughter was an angel compared to many kids. Sure she wouldn't eat some foods but I just said fine. She will eat when she gets hungry. i would not waste time trying to force anything. Basic options were available if she didn't eat. She did not throw tantrums probably because she knew I was not going to play into them. She could have a fit by herself. That's why they make baby cages (play pens) and noise cancelling headphones.

Story 1; My dad (when he was still with us) would babysit my niece 3-4 days a week. That meant both grandma and grandpa were constantly babysitting the niece, and constantly being around her.

At first, it was similar to OP's story; Niece would push boundaries A LOT and when I was over there, I would just be the enforcer. I never had to be physical (other than picking her up and carrying her out of grandma's room once) but the fact that both old people didn't have the same physicality that I do made me the defacto enforcement arm when she would throw a fit and start being physically violent with grandma.

So there were headaches. She was being (and still somewhat is being) spoiled by my sister and brother-in-law, but... she acts entirely different at grandma's house because grandpa and grandma would enforce the rules. If someone said "no" that no remained in effect. No negotiations. No backing down. And rules would be enforced consistently.

As a result, my niece is better behaved because of our (mostly my parents') influence on her than she would have been otherwise. But that's blood, not just extended family, so I can understand why OP would just cut ties, especially considering everything else.

Story 1: (NTA) Good luck to SIL when he's a teenager and then an adult, or even before that, FIRST GRADE!!!!! He'll be the oly kid not invited to birthday parties of his classmates and SIL will wonder why. Stop inviting your nephew over, he's a thief and a bad influence. Also, HORSES! He could get kicked or worse. Different houses have different rules, different cultures and the way your SIL is raising her kid is preventing him from learning this. I might even call CPS if SIL doesn't know what to do with him. Also, are you getting paid for this babysitting service? I'm guessing not. If the rest of the family complains about you not babysitting, they can offer SIL their time and efforts to take care of the nephew.
Update: Good for Hubby for getting on board with the hard "No.".
Story 2: (NTA) Um, what? I might comment on the videos, "Sup! I'm his wife, I love his bod too..." also, talk to your husband about your feelings.
Update: "DAMN! That's scetchy!" A good reaction. She's embarrassed she got caught.

1. I was really nervous for the OP. If he ignores the rules about safety, pushing boundaries is very dangerous. And now he's only a toddler, as he gets older he most likely will start to kick and hurt people because he can't control himself or his emotions to any degree.

Yeah I'm gonna say it. OP is just as bad of a parent, teaching her children that she doesn't get her own private things. That's how you make a doormat who puts up with [bad treatment] from their spouse.

Take note parents, the single worst thing you can do, which will make your life harder and your child more of a problem, is to give in EVEN ONCE to your childs whining, the moment you allow your child to turn your no into a yes you have failed as a parent.

She’s a lazy parents who gives in to shut him up every nursery or school will boot this kid out . Poor kid going to have it rough . Never let them back

Let’s see how long mil looks after kid bet it’s no longer than 2 weeks

S1: NTA if the SIL and BIL wants to bring up a frequent jailbird thats their perogative but then its THEIR problem to watch the little crotch goblin. and get ahead of the shit stirring Shit in law and put out a notice to the entire family saying something along the lines, "FYI i am no longer babysitting BIL's name and SIL's name kid because they have at every turn told their little brat to not listen to the rules of my house and telling him he can do whatever he wants to do at other peoples houses and i'm done tolerating their disrespect as an consequence of that their brat is no longer welcome at my house until he ha undergone some actual parenting"

S2: NTA but one thing is for sure, gyms needs to start using a NO phones/cameras allowed past the locker room rules. make those insta gym 304's extinct

NTI. He should not have to share his own toys thats fine, but then he does not get to bring those toys to someone elses house. OP did not force him to share, just removed the toy until he went home.

Also the bigger problem is the SIL who wont punish her kid when he violates rules.

Story 1 nta I'm the same way

OP is an idiot for allowing this garbage behavior for WEEKS!!

These high achieving adults terrified of the internets response . Its totally unbelievable. They inevitably go from focused successful adult to internet obsessed preteen , and always really concerned that the extended family might get upset with them .

Tbh even if you fo not agree with all of OP's ideas of parenting, HER house, FREE childcare. So if I was the person benefitting from free childcare, I'd shut my mouth or work longer hours to pay for suitable arrangements.

It would be difficult for OP to be the AH in any capacity unless she was being cruel to the boy, which a face value does not appear to be the case.

S2: An influencer not behaving like sub-human scum? Refreshing!

I have 4 children. Parenting in their early years was often stressful and exhausting, BUT all of the effort paid off in their later years. You can't be an absent parent and expect children to behave.

I worked/taught at a daycare. Nephew would have been released quickly…especially as his behavior escalated.

OP gave them more than I would have. He would have been gone after the first week.

I used to work at a different nursery where the manager's kid would constantly grab another kid's toy and try to pull it away from them whilst shouting "SHARING IS CARING, SHARING IS CARING!" Makes me cringe every time it think about it. Usually if I see kids fight over a toy I try to resolve it by asking who had it first, then tell the kid who has the toy first that in five minutes, they must give the toy to the other child, which mostly works successfully. But in the case that the kids are constantly fighting over the same toy to the point they are getting physical and screaming, I will instantly put it away. Sure, they'll be upset for a minute but quickly move on. If you want to encourage sharing with other kids, then it's best to do group activities where the children can take turns doing something.

I predict in a few years sil will whine about nephew getting arrested

Morning!

I have a WHOLE opinion about OP and her....observances. You can almost see her brain, her nose is so high up in the air. She's very....self-approving.

"He's not a bad kid." Nope. He's an out of control brat.

If OP gave them more time ie finish out the week, she would just be perpetrating the SIL’s mistake of giving in to her kid. SIL has had plenty of warnings, but never thought OP would carry through with her threat. Like mother, like son. Both of them now know that no means no! NTA.