When the avoidant comes back

He JUST sent me a friend request! The timing of this vid 😂

Heads up friends mine faded and discarded while in therapy for a long time.

Exactly what I was thinking this morning 😂😂 I really hope my FA is coming back but I have 2 important boundaries: therapy and learn to communicate (I was trying already to teach him a better communication before he then run away, but he didn't even understand what I was meaning by "communication" )

What about respecting the boundaries of the avoidant?

My FA has been back 8 times. I’ve been blocked and unblocked soooo many times. Discards are brutal. I’m going to write a book. I’m taking bets on how long I’ll be blocked this time. 7 months of this. I love him. I’m wearing down. He knows I treat him like a king, better than anyone has ever. All what Ryan says, the moving in, ting shopping, wedding. All of that resonates. Yesterday I was blocked for sending a pic of a ring. But no words at all. Just blocked. Usually I get brutal discard then blocked without time to even respond. Avoidant narcissist borderline bipolar . I have every text ever sent. May have a memoir made. Oh to mention he has a young daughter who loves me too. What a mess. Good luck all
Update. He kept me blocked for 1 day then told me he blocked me on accident. lol . FB and text . Accident? Haha

I got off the yoyo. I’m not here to teach a grown man how to be in a relationship. I’m not about to let some man come and go when he feels like it. My avoidant doesn’t block, he will just disappear. He’s been BLOCKEDT. I don’t want to hear from him PERIODT! Go play with your mother, not me. I’d rather be alone and at peace than to have my time and feelings wasted. He will never hear from me again. I will be accomplishing goals and planning my trip out of the country, not worried about some fool who doesn’t even know what he wants. I’m not worried about someone else if they aren’t worried about me. This is just a sad place to be in if you’re dating and single. I’d honestly rather be alone. When I’m by myself I’m thriving and doing my best. Stay strong and get a back bone people. These people aren’t worth your time. Stop over analyzing the bs and just block them and move on.

Whilst I totally agree with what Ryan says, I’d also add:
1. Continue with your own life ie let him work to get you and allow him into your life SLOWLY. Men are hunters and only value what they have to work for.
2. DO NOT sleep with him!! If you do he will see you as easily manipulated and this puts HIM in control, not you. Make him wait (proves his integrity).
3. Make him tell you where he’s been since you’ve been apart ie if he says he’s divorced, get him to show you his Decree Absolute (or get a copy yourself). If he stalls, glosses over answers or seems reluctant to spill the beans, that’s a red flag - he’s out to con you (again). Also check his credit score so he doesn’t move in with you, then leave you to settle his debts!!
4. (My favourite). If you work things out, make him demonstrate some commitment to the relationship - so that HE has something to lose if he disappears again! I would demand a quite expensive (at least £5,000) engagement ring WITH an email from him to me, clearly stating “In the event our relationship ends, I permit you to keep the ring”. It may sound trivial but it shows he’s fully invested in the relationship because HE has something to lose if he runs off again, not just you.

For me the litmus test about their "come back" is whether they give a mindful apology or not. Mine sent nostalgic and somehow flattering messages, but none of it conveyed a sign of change and self-awareness. Yet It starts with being able to take accountability and apologising is being vulnerable, so if they still can't do it, they still don't deserve a way back in.

Its been 3 monthss, he isnt back? Has anyones avoidant took longer😢

5 months and she still hasn't reached out!🙂

Dont do it, have self respect. They go off and sleep with other people, they cant be there for you if things get difficult, they dont communicate, why would anyone want that for themselves

WRONG... You take them back unconditionally “as long as they have renounced towards their erroneous ways”. Grace forever stands ...

Avoidants reach out just to help their ego, it’s never about them loving you. Leave them alone and move on

What is the longest an avoidant has left and come back? Mine has been gone for over a year

Don't take them back. It's an endless cycle until you break the wheel. No contact.

Just ended round 6. Is it done yet?

In this world, everyone deserves a second chance IF you can pay the cost of them breaking it. Remember that people.

Has anyone tried using safewords?
Like they can say "Space" when they need space - and we have to honor it...