How to handle it when someone ices you out

Thank you for this.

Hi Dan, love the video. Toward the end, there were 3 steps. I believe #2 and #3 were not there. Which are #2-clarify what silent treatment is a form of abuse and #3-suggest alternatives.

Sorry Sir, I love your content, however I would be like "peace out, babe, I'm outta here."

🥅🥅🥅

In case no one else told you today how amazing you are... You are amazing!

Brilliant. Dan, you are THE BEST! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼✅

Thank you, you are so wonderful 😊🙏

My ‘mother’ is a master at giving the silent treatment; she did this to me from childhood whenever I didn’t do what she wanted.
Now resulting in over a decade of no contact. 👋 She’s now old, sick & I’ve nothing to do with her.

I assume this applies to folks that are experiencing being iced out for no reason rather than those who're being iced out due to mistreating the person giving them the cold shoulder and then, without apology or remorse, expecting to turn up and be treated in a warm, friendly manner by the person they hurt/used?

This is helpful. There’s an extra twist when the other party is a lawyer

I'm sitting here wondering what you would say if you were in a vehicle with that person? "STOP THE CAR AND LET ME OUT!"

THIS is how women bully. 😞 So many of the official advice doesn't even acknowledge it. Yes, I wither around people who give me the cold shoulder. You know the type, they are so warm to everybody else but as cold as ice to everybody else. And nobody else notices. I've handled it badly a coupl of times.

Would lack of transperancy be considered "Iced out"?

I get silent when I'm very hurt about something someone said in a conversation and it overwhelms me so much that I'm unable to speak, I just keep quiet and when my emotion cools down and I find words on what to say, I express myself. Does it come off as silent treatment?

I get silent treatment from my neice and nephew. Theres no relationship. But its there choice if they cant be real and have a dialog. They do have mental illnesses btw.

It’s not always abuse. Often, it‘s self-protection. The world is full of assholes.

My father didn’t speak to me for a year when I was fourteen.

😞What if it is a person in power like a social secretary that don't answer to your mail, they are only happy if I withdraw and never come back with my questions 😢It does not work everywhere I think

This is a great point!

I enjoyed your thoughts in this video. As an older person, both my parents and my husband's parents prided themselves in never having disagreements. The problem with "never" having (verbalizing) disagreements: children who come from that type of family don''t know how to speak up when there is a problem and go silent. If they do speak up, the other person goes silent because they also don't want to have the disagreement. Disagreements are normal and can be worked through. I like that you give non-emotional phrases to say. I also think it is important to give someone a bit of space.and grace as needed but assurance that you will be available later is the key component.

There are a lot of good content creators on here that talk about this in the context of a romantic relationship. The silent treatment is just emotional relationship abuse. It also damages the relationship when one or both partners can't express something without being emotionally abused like this and shut down.

Worked in female dominated fields for most of my life. There is always the few who will not reply to "good morning". After the third unacknowledged GM, I just walk past them, and greet others who are friendly. It drives them insane, but they have no ground to start a convo since they have acted like I didn't exist prior.

Difficult for me to not keeping score. Trying to but I would really appreciate any tips on this 🫂

By the way, I love that shirt too!😊 It makes you look like a Fargo, North Dakota boy which is "a man after my own heart!" Have a Happy Thanksgiving!💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

If this ever happens to me, which I pray to God that it never does, I would use a boundary statement!🤔 I'm all about the boundary statements.😃I would say
"I don't allow people to give me the silent treatment, so please tell me what is on your mind?" ☺💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

If someone "ices" you out, they aren't abusive, you are.

What if you live with the icer?

I think it's okay to step away and say hey we all come back to this later I need a minute or I need a couple of hours. Or overtime you learn this is how this person works.

Somewhat useful.
One of my younger brothers ghosted me in June.
Now it's Thanksgiving and although he will not return my messages,
my Mother expects me to attend family Thanksgiving on Saturday with him there and to act as if nothing ever happened😂
I'm still a little confused.
The expectation is that everything gets swept under the rug and I pretend like I haven't been given the silent treatment this whole time.
Not only did he cut me out of his life but I also have not been permitted to visit my nieces and nephew.

He's not exactly a mature/stable individual despite having a wife and 4 kids
and has struggled mentally this year with things like considering sue is side so I don't expect to have a beneficial conversation with him that will smooth things over.
I didn't do nor say anything that I need to apologize for and that's my family's opinion as well as mine.

I think sometimes people just need space.
I've given him time and space to be wrong but he will have to come to the conclusion that he's been in error rather than me trying to hold a mirror in his face to call him on things. lol

I do have empathy for him but such behavior as blocking people out of your life who would otherwise have your back as a supporter is nothing short of self-sabotage.
Some people have a habit of shøøting themselves in the foot and being unable to find their way so for that I can be humble and show grace.

As the older brother I'll take the high road and let him sort himself out rather than try to broach a conversation he may not be interested in or ready to have just yet.
I can play nice and wear a smile if it benefits our family as a whole.

Fun Fact: 16 Years ago he was still living at home when I visited for Thanksgiving.
I told him to not disrespect our Mother by yelling in her face. When he continued anyway, I splashed a cup of water in his face.
He then grabbed a knife block and proceeded to hurl knives at me before stealing my Mother's car and me calling the police on him.

Needless to say he was a teen and that's an old story but reflecting on our history I can't help but think that this will certainly be an interesting Thanksgiving 😂😂😂

You give great advice man!
Have a great Thanksgiving!

In a narcissist gaslighting relation I've learned to limit minimum communication because I'm doomed if i say something, even if in agreement "is that all you gotta say", and I'm doomed if I don't. Thanks Dan! Apologize, clarify ST, suggest ideas. Doesn't always work when they disturb my reality.

Ok, but not all silent treatments are abuse: different context; my 14 year old daughter (sweet as apple pie) has had to learn to completely ignore her bully. She's tried everything else (and I). So she gives her the "silent treatment". If the bully approaches in any way, tries to talk etc. She ignores. We've seen that if she does not stick to it 100%, the bully immediately lays into her again....In most other contexts, I would agree though.

How is it that you seem to deliver exactly the content I need when I need it? 🙏 Thank you.
I especially appreciate that you include a self-check: "Have I been ... to contribute to this situation?"
This is my first go-to - though I can get stuck there, and undermine my worth - which still doesn't solve the issue.
Will work on that too.
Happy Thanksgiving, Dan.
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Thank you "Ohhh Swami" wizard of words, my plate is now full and overflowing 🦃have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Thanks Dan, for another really helpful video. ❤

Thank you for this, I had this a lot from my ex. Been in therapy 6 months and doing much better. I am experiencing this right now from someone toxic in my life. She was inappropriate, I called out her behaviour, and now she's not talking to me. My response has been to ignore her behaviour and continue talking to her about everday things as if nothing happened. Your skill here will help as well. Thanks!

Tell yourself the abuser is a fake person with fake love and a fake clown act to enslave you. Repeat, repeat and repeat

"Mary, I see this conversation isn't going anywhere... I'm going to leave you here with your thoughts... good luck with that!"

😂😂😂