The Manipulative Power of “Sorry” in British Culture

Good evening Hannah. I'm reading Watching the English at the moment. Very interesting. Thanks for the advice 😊

Interesting. Greetings from Colombia

It always suprises me how many people see sorry as an admition of guilt and won't say it . Yes, I will say sorry if I have done wrong and mostly mean it, but in a conflict situation I am perhaps only actally apologising for upsetting them and not necessarily for my actions. In British culture 'sorry' is often a word used to smooth an awkward or potentially awkward/difficult situation. It is often said without specific reference to what the apology is for, most context this is inferred, but not always in the same way by the two parties within the exchange. Example. Sorry, but I've been sleeping with your husband. (I shouldn't have slept with him and it was wrong of me and I feel so very guilty and ashamed and have ruined your marriage... OR ... I can't avoid admitting I slept with him and am sorry this news is going to upset you and yes this is awkward isn't it but we're both moving in together on Friday). Poor and a somewhat extreme example, but perhaps this makes sense. (Please be assured no marriages were harmed in the writting of this hypothetical comment).

Sorry was the first word my daughter learnt in London when she was one and a half years old. Oh yes, and bye bye. … 🌹👍😊

If in doubt, I always ask what they are apologising for?

The English are so “tricky”. Life’s too short!

"Sorry" doesn't mean sorry at all. It's an involuntary noise that people make in the UK. It's similar to burping or farting. 😂

You are pretty

It's the first word the baby hears from their mother as it exits her womb in the UK.

I wouldn't have expected so many interpretations of "sorry" including those that better match with an "excuse me" . Of course I've heard some worries like an interjection to start a demand but I always felt it to be excessive since it reminds me of "sorrow" instead of "permission".

Hi, "it doesn't matter your painful, your feeling are strange for the other".
That is one of the significant characterístics in this particular historical moment.
En Argentina for example "sorry" is being replaced for bad attitude and talk in a rude way in informal speaking. The question is why? Thanks for sharing the video. 🎉❤

Dutchman here, imho opinion, in england the word sorry is often used ro replace "f#$% off!"

I need a roadmap to keep so many statements straight. Is there a way to emerge with a unified grasp of what is meant?

Happy belated New Year.

Irish here..we also say sorry for many different reasons. Foreigners often say we’re always apologising, but they’re just hearing the word not the context. Sorry can mean excuse me, get out of my way, move now or how dare you! 😂😂

"Sorry seems to be the hardest word" - Billy Joel. He was right, when it's genuine it's hard, so the fact that it seems to be so overused should make you wonder how genuine it is. Correction: it was Elton Jonh of course!!

I disagree with this. "Sorry" is certainly used frequently. It's diminishly rare for "sorry" to signify negative sentiments. So videos like this give non-native speakers of English the view that someone has offended them by use of the word. Other English-speaking cultures may differ.

I am English and have been on a one man anti ‘sorry’ campaign for some years now…. I work on the basis that If I meant to do something then sorry is disingenuous… if I didn’t mean to do it then nothing to apologise for… it’s a really hard habit to break but has greatly reduced my sorrow. The worst sort of sorry in my opinion is when followed with a ‘but’. My approach has caught on amongst my friends… but saying sorry for saying sorry is a dangerous loop to get into 🙄

It's so good to hear this explained so clearly. I live in Australia and I find that this English use of sorry is part of my lived experience and I find it very disturbing. I am autistic and the manipulative use of sorry is something I have struggled for years to recognise and understand. Thank you

I'm not sure if I agree that passive aggressiveness can be misread between 2 cultures because of different use of words/silence etc. i personally find that it's not the words and the silence, but the underlying energy/vibe/mood of the person that reveals whether they have friendly intentions or passive aggressive ones.

As a British person myself, I fear I may well have misused this word many times. Especially when I was younger. I'm ashamed.

Sorry you feel that way.
It's not an apology.

It's common practice when responding to complaints for companies to use terms like, 'I'm sorry that you feel...." and it's massively passive aggressive. It absolutely is a statement that the writer doesn't believe/care about whatever the recipient has complained about.

English children learn from an early age that they can use the word "sorry" to avoid facing the consequences for their actions. Everyone will have a tale to tell of a class bully being made to say "sorry", then smirking as soon the teacher's back is turned.

I was taught that "sorry" meant "I won't do it again", and wasn't just a word you use to get out of trouble.

I once raised the issue of corruption with a local canvassing politician and received the classic: 'I am so sorry you feel this way', performed with a faux concerned head tilt and eye contact to presumably convey sincerity... I considered next time I hear this to reply with: 'How dare you apologise for my feelings.", but to be fair, I value de-escalation more than open conflict. He left abruptly, clutching his leaflets and stopped the campaign on our street, that was good enough for me.

1950 London 99%
2024 London 36%
..you are being conquered.

Sorry!

I agree with the German or American point of view; I prefer the blunt honesty of an archetypical German or American to the polite hypocrisy of an archetypical Englishman. Greetings from Italy.

I found this to be very ,very informative. Its great how you added an extra layer on top of a subject that was already discussed in a much more general way. There is something about layering another video on top of one of the same topic, but different nuances,.Doing a little more of a deeper dig helps someone see cultural contexts better. Your examples were good too.I'm beginning to understand English people and behaviors a bit better now. Thanks for this one! Great job !

The tone of voice, inflection, followed by a ? (or not) usually informs you what sort of “sorry” you’re getting - which is decoded in a nanosecond- if you’re English.

Ooh.. that is why i feel irritation hearing sorry that much..

"I am sorry if I offended you", "I am sorry but I ..." are typical passive non-apologies.

Narcissism was born in here

During a flight a British girl around 8 years old and her dad were sitting next to me. She said 'sorry' every time she looked at me. It made us both very uncomfortable, so I gave her my tablet with a colouring book app to keep her busy. Then her dad looked at me and said 'sorry' 😂 They were very friendly and polite people. Just a bit awkward in such small space in the plane (so was I).

Sasanqua’s ❤

What happens when someone tried to convince you that they are not a computer hacker and they are a complete dick about it?

Please is another one!

I didn't watch this video!
Sorry.

A raised eyebrow, passive agressive, only if the recipient is overly sensitive or called Amber Heard

The English use of sorry is vomit inducing.

What is the meaning of : not to bad

Hola, se ha preguntado que sentido tiene la vida?

Sonetimes I wonder why people say they're sorry;, if they know the reason behind the apology ; whether or not they want to dismiss the other person's reactions/feelings or if they just don't care ; seeking refuge begind a façade of social niceties and an unwillingness to address core issues only make matters worse.💝

In other languages they use the same word for "I am sorry" and "excuse me". The same practice can apply to English to avoid confusion.

I wonder if these behaviors are not specifically English, but rather just a symptom of cultural decline that happens throughout history. For example, I wonder if this behavior was common around the time of Rome's fall. Perhaps passive aggressiveness was less common when the UK was a great power. Or even just greater than it is now. This sort of behavior exists in America as well - at a time when we are having problems.

I hope you move away this sort of ill behavior. It's not healthy for you and others. Respectfully.

Trying to think here of an appropriate response to passive aggressiveness. How about a "now really, sir!", or "now really, ma'am!". Sounds perfect in an English accent. Strong yet respectful.

Sorry, your application was unsuccessful...

That one time I stumbled with something at the office, and a British colleague that was almost 10 meters away and did nothing said "Sorry" 😁

Quick note! 🎯 The first part of the video leans distinctly towards the English way of things, but once I get into Robert Greene’s strategies, those pearls of wisdom will also find their mark in other English-speaking corners of the world and beyond in some contexts.